


Sons don't kill themselves.. but goddammit they try

by hairyhue



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Homophobia, Canon-Typical Racism, Canon-Typical Violence, Characters from later seasons are brought to this fic, Multi, Set in Season Four, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-04-18 03:04:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hairyhue/pseuds/hairyhue
Summary: 'He was a coward. A worthless, untrustworthy, scared kid who couldn't even go through with killing himself. He didn't deserve the club, he didn't deserve his patch.The minutes went on, Juice knew it was too late. His ears were ringing, his body stopped fighting, and black spots clouded his vision.His arms fell, drooping lifelessly, his head lolled to the side, he didn't have enough strength to keep it up by himself anymore. His body sway, less violent; almost peaceful like.In the final moments of his consciousness, when he was finally slipping away from the world he was too afraid to live in, he saw a rapid movement of colours rushing toward him, and a distorted sound that made every inch of his body go cold."JUICE-"'. . . . . . .My take of what could have happened if the branch didn't snap when Juice tried to hang himself. Set in season four though characters from later seasons will appear because I love them!!. . . . . . .I first published this in April 2018 though I have now rewritten it all and I am reposting. Please read from the start! Each chapter is a different day.





	1. IT'S OVER WHEN IT'S OVER

**Author's Note:**

> LAST WARNING- THIS IS TRIGGERING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song

Juice's body shook violently, his air was immediately cut off, the only sounds in the air were the clanking of chains and Juice's choking as they tightened around his throat.

It hurt, oh  _god_  it hurt. He didn't want it like this, he didn't want to suffer. He was terrified, yet he did nothing to try stop the inevitable. He knew he deserved the pain. He deserved to go out like this. After everything he had done- ratting out the club, killing and framing a member for his own mistake. He deserved this pain.

His limbs flailed, legs desperately trying to find something to stand on. And after a few seconds, his hands flew to the chains around his neck. He changed his mind, he didn't want to die anyone. Not like this. He never wanted it like this. He was selfish, he wasn't ready; he was once again trying to save himself.

It hurt too much.

He was a coward. A worthless, untrustworthy,  _scare_ _d_  kid who couldn't even go through with killing himself. He didn't deserve the club, he didn't deserve his patch.

The minutes went on, Juice knew it was too late. His ears were ringing, his body stopped fighting, and black spots clouded his vision. 

His arms fell, drooping lifelessly, his head lolled to the side, he didn't have enough strength to keep it up by himself anymore. His body sway, less violent; almost peaceful like. In the final moments of his consciousness, when he was finally slipping away from the world he was too afraid to live in, he saw a rapid movement of colours rushing toward him, and a distorted sound that made every inch of his body go cold.

_"JUICE-"_

* * *

Chibs was the one to find him. He and Tig had pulled up next to Juice's bike, which was parked out in front of his apartment building. The humming of their engines stopped, they unclipped their helmets and stood off their bikes.

The two of them looked around, looking for a sign of Juice.

"You think he's inside?" Tig asked, taking off his sunglasses and hanging them from his shirt. 

Chibs shrugged, looking around again before he nodded toward the trees. "Ya hear that?" He could swear he heard something coming from that direction.

Tig shook his head and started walking to the door of the building. "Nah, maybe someone's taking a piss." He opened the door, raising a brow.

Chibs scoffed. "Bloody loud piss." 

Tig laughed at that, disappearing inside the building as Chibs headed into the trees.

The sound got louder as he walked closer, though he still couldn't make out  _what_  he was hearing. 

He caught sight of some movement between the trees, and his eyes went wide, his whole face dropping. 

"Oh fuck! JUICE!" Chibs took off into a sprint, jumping over tree roots and reaching out to Juice's jerking body, watching in horror as his eyes rolled back into his head. Chibs grabbed him and hoisted him up in the air, staring at his face in panic. He held him up with one arm as he pulled out his gun and shot at the branch. It took three bullets until the branch snapped and Juice's body fell to the floor. 

Chibs was on the ground in an instant, hurriedly pulling the chain off over his head and throwing it to the side. It landed somewhere in the bushes.

Tig came running over, both hands on his gun, ready to shoot. "What happened? I heard gunshots- Holy shit!" He cursed and lowered his gun, staring in disbelief at the scene in front of him. 

Chibs was slapping Juice's face and pounding his chest, then pressing his ear over his heart to try detect a heartbeat. "Fuck-  _shit_! Call Tara-  _NOW!_ " He could barely hear the soft thumping from Juice's chest over the hammering of his own. 

* * *

The doors to the hospital swung open and Tara ran in, pushing a gurney that held Juice's unconscious body. A few doctors ran over and Tara started shouting orders at them, so many medical words that Chibs couldn't understand. 

Tig and Chibs were following behind her, both of them shell shocked. Chibs had managed to resuscitate Juice in the minutes it took for Tara to get to them, until she was able to give him a shot of something that jump started his body. He was breathing on his own now- but it was still labored and deathly slow. 

The doctors pushed Juice into a room, where they began reviving him, hooking him up to multiple machines, Tara turned to the pair and told them they would have to wait outside.

"Are you kidding me?! I damn well saved that boys life!" Chibs stepped forward and tried to push past her, looking behind her and through the door windows. He saw the heart monitor, it didn't look too promising; he wanted to be there just in case. Tara put her hands on his chest and looked behind him to Tig, silently asking him to deal with it.

Tig got the message and put a hand on Chibs' shoulder. "Come on, brother, the doctors got him now. We have to go tell the club."

That seemed to distract him, he turned from Tara and faced Tig. " _N_ _o_! The club doesn't find out about this!" He looked between the two, glared at them until they nodded. "For all they know, some Mayan shitheads did this, got it?"

The two nodded again. Tara disappeared into the room where doctors were surrounding Juice, who was laying on the hospital bed looking  _dead_. 

Tig sighed and patted Chibs back then slung his arm around his shoulder, turning him away from the doors. "Come on, let's tell the club."

Chibs only nodded in response. His mind was working at 1000 miles a minute, trying to come up with a reason  _why._ He had noticed that Juice was on edge, but he had just assumed it was because of what happened with Miles. He didn't expect something like  _this_  to happen. 

* * *

"We went to pick him up, I heard something coming from the trees so I walked over to investigate..." Chibs took in a breath, looking around the table as every club member was watching, listening to him. "I found our boy Juicy.. swinging from a branch by some chains.. and a couple Mexicans running from the scene."

There were quiet curses and gasps from the group. Jax shook his head and looked at his hands, Clay pinched the bridge of his nose, and Happy clenched his fists; his fury clear on his face. 

"That's some medieval shit.." Bobby commented, sighing and rubbing his forehead to ease the tension.

Chibs continued. "I figured saving the boys life was better than going after the fuckers that did this."

A few members nodded in agreement, Clay and Jax looked troubled.

"Where is he now?" The president asked. 

"St. Thomas, the Doc is taking care of him, got him breathing again." Tig answered, standing to the side of Chibs with his hands in his pockets.

" _I_  got him breathing again, Tara didn't do  _shit_!" Chibs felt anger rise up inside him, banging his fist against the table in frustration.

"Hey! Tara is taking care of him right now, doing things only she can do to help." Jax spoke up, narrowing his eyes at him. "You did good, bother, but calm your shit."

Before Chibs could reply, Clay spoke. "Right, we have a brother in the hospital. Lets go see him, send the prospects to find the guys who did this. Mexicans, was it Mayans?"

Chibs shrugged. "Didn't get a good look, and they were gone by the time Tig got there." 

Clay only nodded, and the boys all stood

* * *

Juice was waking up a few hours after the club visited. Most of them stayed, but a few of the guys had gone to help the prospects track down the Mayans.

Juice opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the bright hospital lights. Right now, only Chibs, Tig and a doctor were in the room with him. They didn't seem to notice that he was awake yet. 

Slowly, he remembered what he had done- the reason he was in hospital. He sat up quickly, alerting all three of them to his consciousness. The boys stood from their chairs and walked to the bed. Juice started to panic, his heart rate elevated- the machine was beeping faster- and he tried to pull the needles out of his arms. 

The doctor saw and gasped, rushing toward the bed. Juice let out a strangled whine and backed up against the bed. Before the doctor could do anything, Tig and Chibs had pushed Juice back down onto the bed, keeping him from hurting himself or anyone else. The doctor looked grateful and she quickly hurried out of the room to go get help.

Juice was looking up at the two of them with tears falling down his cheeks and panic in his eyes. He was trying to speak, but his voice was hoarse and his throat hurt so bad that the only thing he could choke out was a distorted 'I'm sorry.'

Chibs frowned and he and Tig slowly let go of Juice's arms once he seemed calm again. "It's okay Juicy-"  
"Hey! There's our soldier. How you feeling?" Clay smiled as he and a few of the club members walked into the hospital room, along with two doctors who managed to squeeze in.

Juice was shocked at the greeting, he wasn't expecting to be greeted with a smile after what he had just attempted.  
"Aye, he's a bit rough, but he'll pull through it. Won't you, lad?" Chibs answered for him, patting Juice's shoulder and squeezing it gently. 

Juice looked up at him, swallowing his nerves then over to Clay, nodding silently. 

Jax was the next one to speak, stepping forward to the bed with a frown. "We'll find the guys who did this to you, don't worry. You just stay in here and recover. It'll be sorted before you're out, I promise you." 

He was confused, he didn't know what the hell Jax was speaking about. But nevertheless, he nodded again. Something about the look Chibs gave him told him he would understand later. 

The gang seemed cool with that, and as the minutes went on, they started filtering out until only Clay and Chibs remained.

Juice was told to drink lots, as it would help the pain. Eventually, he had asked for more morphine. And when it kicked in, he was able to speak easier. "Who brought me here?"

It was a hesitant question, his voice even now barely coherent. But he needed to know who had found him swinging from a tree.

He felt a pat on his leg and he looked over to Chibs, who was smiling at him, though his eyes were sad. "I did, brother. Me and Tig found you, saw a few Mayan bastards running from the scene. Tig called Tara for help, then we brought you here. You'll be right as rain in no time." 

Juice nodded once more, not daring to speak again as he would just break out into tears. That explained what Jax had been on about earlier. Tig and Chibs has lied for him.

Clay stood up in his chair, drawing their attention from each other to him. "Right, well, I'll go see how the prospects are doing with finding the wetbacks that did this to you.

Gemma will come visit in the morning. Stay safe, kid." Clay smiled and patted Juice's shoulder, pressing a parental kiss to the top of his buzzed head. 

It was silent for a few minutes after he left, Juice was refusing to look at Chibs, but Chibs refused to look anywhere else but Juice. 

Juice hated the silence, he knew the Scotsman was waiting for him to talk. "Chibs-"

"Why?"

He blinked and  _finally_  looked over to him, furrowing his brows. "Why what?"

"Why did you do that? You stupid bastard.. why?" Chibs sat back down in the chair next to the bed, his face a picture of anger, concern, and even a shred of fear.

Juice only shook his head and looked away again, letting out a small sigh as a few tears fell from his eyes. "I'm tired."

* * *

Chibs left a few hours after trying to get Juice to talk. He said that at some point, Juice would have to be honest with him if he wanted him to keep this a secret. 

Juice understood, of course.

Ratboy and Phil were stood in the hallway outside of the hospital room, they would occasionally pop their head in the room and ask if he was alright. He nodded every time.

But the truth was, he wasn't alright. He had tried to kill himself. And he had failed. His eyes were full of tears for the nth time that night, and his throat throbbed as he sobbed. 

He felt like a failure, he  _was_  a failure.

He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to try stop the salty flow, but all it did was bring more. His shoulders shook as he cried. He was sure he could be heard from the hall. But not once did someone come in.

For that, he was grateful. 

He spent hours crying until he was just staring up at the ceiling, silently wishing the death he had hoped to achieve.


	2. ALONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemma visits Juice in the hospital and Clay gets mad at Chibs.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Gemma walked into the hospital room, smiling softly as she went over and sat by the bed. She put her hand over Juice's, eyeing the ugly purple marks that wrapped around his neck. "How are you doing sweetheart?" 

Juice's eyes were red, and his normally tan skin seemed so pale in comparison to the bruises. He managed a weak smile, one that barely reached his eyes. Nothing like the ones he used to wear proud on his face. "I'm fine." 

It was a lie, of course. He wasn't fine. He wasn't sure he would  _ever_  be fine. 

If the club found out the truth,, he didn't know what they would do. Would they kick him out? Kill him? Honestly, he hoped for the latter. At least  _they_ would succeed. 

"Yeah.. you don't look fine. Honestly, you like like shit, hon." Gemma replied, there was no malice behind her words. She was simply stating facts. She shuffled closer to the bed and moved her hand to stroke Juice's head, in a comforting manor. "You get a look at the guys who got you?" 

Juice shook his head, wincing at the pain he got from even that small movement. "No.. they had a bag over my head. Only took it off when I was facing away from them." He spoke calmly, making sure it sounded genuine- he was saying what Chibs had told him to. "Chibs said he saw them, though."

Gemma nodded and smiled slightly. They resided into a comfortable silence, Juice closing his eyes and focusing on the feel of Gemma next to him. Of her hands holding his own and stroking his head. He was reminded of the countless times his own Mother had been where she sat, comforting her boy who had gotten himself hurt by playing with the older boys.

After a few minutes, Gemma pulled away and stood up, putting her bag over her shoulder. "Alright, baby. I'm gonna let you get your rest. I'll be back later today with a few things from your apartment, you might be staying here a while."

Juice opened his eyes and sat up in the bed, grabbing a hold of Gemma's arm to stop her from walking away. She turned back around and looked down at him, surprised to see him with pleading, teary eyes. "Please don't leave me alone."

She was shocked for a moment, Juice looked like a scared kid. It made something in her chest hurt. She knew she was like a mother to the boys, but this still managed to catch her off guard. She smiled softly, sadly, and sat back down in the seat by the bed. She held his hand with one of hers. "I'm right here, baby. I'll stay right here." 

Juice didn't know why he was so afraid to be alone suddenly, but this feeling overwhelmed him. He rolled over to his side and into a fetal position, clinging to Gemma's hand to make sure she wouldn't leave.

He was crying silently, his eyes closed. Every now and then, he would make a small hiccup noise and his shoulders would shake.

* * *

Jax unlocked the door to Juice's apartment, putting the keys on the table by the door when he walked in. He looked around and rose a brow. He hadn't really seen  _much_  of his apartment, but he knew that it wasn't normally this wrecked. 

It looked as if someone had broken in and went rifling through everything looking for something valuable, but from the looks of it, Jax doubted there would be  _anything_  valuable in here. 

He walked further inside, looking around at the mess as he made his way to Juice's bedroom. The door was ajar, so he pushed it all the way open, and grimaced. The room reeked with sex, alcohol, and weed. He saw various half-empty bottles and pill packets. He shook his head and went to his dresser. He opened it up and rose a brow, there were no clothes inside. He sighed and turned, looking again at the messy bedroom. He started picking up clothes, smelling them to find the  _cleanest_ items he could.

Eventually, he had a bag full of clothes that'd probably last for as long as Juice would be in hospital. He would send over a few prospects to clean his apartment up a bit, and do some damn washing. The boy was a mess. 

He would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about  _what_  was the cause of all the mess in his apartment, but that was a thing for another day. 

Right now, Jax had to get back to the hospital and drop off the clothes for Juice. He walked out of his bedroom and into the bathroom, picking up a toothbrush and a few joints he found laying about. God knows he will need them. 

He noticed Juice's phone on his way out, so he picked it up and pocketed it, locking the door behind him as he left.

* * *

The Mayans weren't owning up to anything. Even when tortured.

Clay walked into the clubhouse, looking around at the people in the bar. Bobby was sat at a table near the back looking through papers, Tig talking to some sweetbutt, and the others were scattered around. Clay headed over there, standing behind Chibs when he spoke. "You sure it was the Mexicans?"

Chibs was looking at his phone when Clay approached, he switched it off and turned on his stool to face him. He furrowed his brows and nodded, glancing over his shoulder as he saw a very bloody Happy walk in. "Aye.. from what I could see."

"So you're  _not_  sure?" Clay rose a brow. 

Chibs let out a sigh and lowered his head. "No.. "

Clay sighed too, dragging his hand down his face. "Are you telling me we just killed three members of the Mayans without knowing if it was them?!" He rose his voice, gaining the attention of the other people in the bar. 

Chibs shook his head, quickly standing. "No, boss. It had to have been them! They boys- they were dark-skinned, but not black."

Clay narrowed his eyes, he barely seemed to care about the people staring. "You told me they were mexican. Was that true or  _not_?!"

"You know.." Chibs glared right back. He knew standing up to the president was risky, but at this moment, he didn't care. "I was a little too preoccupied by our boy swinging from a tree to take a look at the colour of their damn skin!" 

That seemed to shut him up. Clay stared at him for a few more seconds, then he slowly turned around and faced the room. "What're you looking at?!" He practically screamed, and the room went back to talking and drinking as Clay stormed into the garage. 

Bobby stood from his chair and walked over to Chibs, patting his shoulder. "Boss is just worried about who came after Juicy." 

Chibs scoffed and turned, sitting back down on the stool. "Aye, well, he should be." He muttered, downing the rest of his beer.


	3. DIE FOR YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs visits Juice in the hospital.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.
> 
> \- short chapter i apologise , just moving stuff along -

The next day, Chibs went back to try knock some sense into him. He found him lying in bed, watching something on the TV. Chibs rose a brow and shut the hospital door behind him, walking over and standing by the bed. 

Juice picked up the remote and turned the TV off, putting it down then turning to Chibs. "Yeah, brother?" He asked. His voice sounded better now, less scratchy and more audible.

Chibs let out a sigh and grabbed the chair that was next to the bed, sitting down in it and giving Juice a knowing look. "You know why I'm here." 

Juice licked his lips and ran a hand over his head. 

Chibs continued when he didn't speak. "You have to tell me the truth, Clay got Hap' to torture some Mayans; demanding they say why  _they_  hung  _you_." 

That got Juice to look at him, his eyes full of fear and regret. "What?"

"Álvarez isn't pleased. He stopped business with us, saying his guys are innocent. Said this wouldn't end well for the club." 

"Chibs, I didn't mean for thi-"

"Just tell me why, Juice! I can't keep lying for you!" Chibs leaned forward in his seat, looking at the younger boy with a pleading look.

"Chibs.." Chibs could see he got to him, the way Juice turned away- the way his chest deflated; he was giving up. "Roosevelt found out some shit when he was digging into my profile and he's threatening me with it. He says that he'll tell the club unless I gave him intel."

Chibs furrowed his brows at the revelation. "What does he have on you?"

"My dad's black-" Juice looked over at Chibs, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. The crack in his voice made something in Chibs chest hurt, made him reach out for the boys hand. 

"So what?"

"The bi-law. He tells the club, I'm out. So I- I stole the coke for him, I gave him a sample so he could shut down the cartel- He said he'd keep the club out of it."

Chibs shook his head and cursed under his breath. "Christ, boy.. Your race doesn't change anything. I married a black woman, I have a half-black kid. You being half-black? Doesn't matter. It's an old rule. But.. ratting out to the cops?" He pulled his hand back, ignoring the whine that escaped Juice's throat. "And Miles?"

Juice flinched upon hearing his name, gulping back the bile that rose in his throat. "He caught me with the brick, pulled his gun on me and said he was gonna tell. I panicked- I tackled him and he shot me in the leg. I grabbed his gun and he pulled out a knife- He was.." He paused, blinking away the fresh tears and breathing in and out to keep calm. "He tried to stab me so I shot him in the head." He lost it at that, pulling his knees to his chest and sobbing into himself.

Chibs was quiet for a minute, processing it all. He put his hands on his knees and breathed out. "So you tried offing yourself."

Juice let out a weak cry and he scrambled to the side of the bed, reaching out and grabbing Chibs' arm. It took everything Chibs had in him not to pull away, he knew it'd break the kid more.

"Please don't tell them- Chibs they'll kill me, please, I can't die, I don't want to die anymore-  _please_!"

Chibs couldn't look at him, a few of his own tears escaping and falling onto his jeans. "You got to stop talking to the cops, you hear me? No more. No more ratting, no more attempts. From now on, you come to me with  _everything_. The club doesn't need to know this, just..  _No more_." 

Juice cried more, relieved and thankful, and he pulled him into a hug. "I love you, brother. I love you."

Chibs returned the hug, arms wrapped tight around the boy. "Aye.. I love you too."


	4. CHEMICAL PRISONER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens to Juice, a lesson for blaming the Mayans. 
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Juice spent three days in the hospital before something went wrong. He was actually getting ready to leave, he had just changed out of his hospital gown, when three guys wearing Mayan cuts burst in and ran for Juice.

His eyes went wide and he was momentarily paralyzed in shock. Jax had said they sorted stuff out with the Mayans- that there shouldn't be any problems. He jumped and slid out of the way, running to the other side of the hospital bed and picking up one of the needles that had been in his arm. It was all he had for a weapon. 

They were yelling things in spanish at him, but Juice was too full of adrenaline right now to focus on translation. Two of the guys started cornering him, blocking his exit- so Juice stabbed one in the arm with the needle. The guy yelled in pain and ripped it out off his arm, throwing it aside as the other guy grabbed both of Juice's arms and pulled them behind his back. Juice thrashed and kicked his legs, but the Mayan he had stabbed grabbed both of his legs and gripped them harshly, twisting one out of place. Juice cried out in pain, squeezing his eyes shut as tears filled his eyes. He gasped as a cloth was put over his mouth. His eyes burst open and he saw the third Mayan holding a bottle of something, he tried to read the label but his vision was blurred, and not five seconds later, he passed out in the arms of the enemy.

* * *

Chibs cursed as he saw the two prospects laying knocked out in front of the hospital room. He glanced around, thinking it incredulous that no doctors had found them yet. "Juice?" Chibs called out, stepping over the prospects and looking inside the room, he saw that Juice's bag was still there, his phone on the bed- and there was a small pool of blood with a needle inside it. "Fuck-" 

Chibs got out his phone again and dialed a number, already turning and sprinting out the door.

A voice sounded from the line.  _"Chibs?"_

"Someone took Juice. He's not in his room, his stuff is there, and there's blood." Chibs explained quick, looking down both ends of the hallway before running down one.

 _"Shit! Okay, we'll be right there."_ Chibs hung up after hearing that. 

"Goddammit Juicy boy.. what have you gotten yourself in to?!" He spoke to himself, frantically looking around for his brother.

* * *

Jax hung up the phone and ran into the clubhouse. "St. Thomas! NOW!" He pointed at the club members, who all turned to look at him.

Clay rose a brow, taking a drag of his cigar. "What's going on?"

"Someone took Juice, Chibs is there trying to find him." With that, the members cursed and sped toward the doorway. 

Clay banged his hands against the bar, then curled them into fists as he tried to ignore the shooting pain. 

Jax walked over and gently placed his hand on top of them. "Maybe you should sit this one out." He was telling him rather than suggesting.

"No. This is  _my_  club.  _My_  member that's gone missing." Clay all but growled. He knew that Jax was getting too cozy about the thought of being in charge.

"Yeah well he is  _my_  brother who is in trouble, and I don't think a crooked old man can do much to help him." Jax glared, turning and walking off.

"Like a crooked  _kid_  is much better." He muttered, loud enough for Jax to hear him. 

And with all the emotions he has stored up from this last week, Jax turned again and stormed back over, pulling his arm back and punching Clay straight in the face. He watched as he almost fell out of his chair. Jax scoffed at that. "Some President you are. Your member, the  _same_  member, gets hurt twice in a week and you can't even defend yourself against a.. what did you say?  _A kid_?" Jax smirked as he left the clubhouse

* * *

Juice woke with his head feeling fuzzy and a dull throbbing pain in his leg. He opened his eyes slowly and lifted his head until it mildly thumped against a surface. He groaned, that small movement made him dizzy and queasy. He kept his head in one place as he looked around at his surroundings. 

It looked as if he was in some kind of old bathroom, and when he looked up, he found that his wrists were tied above his head. At least he was sat on the floor, he thought. He didn't have to worry about keeping his balance. 

He heard a key jingle then a lock click, and a group of guys walked into the dimly lit room, standing in a formation in front of Juice. He wondered how they all fit in the room.

One of them stood forward, and when Juice squinted enough, he was able to recognize him. Álvarez.

"Ah, shit.." Juice groaned again and let his head fall, barely having enough energy to keep it up. Whatever drug they used on him.. boy was it working. 

He heard Álvarez snap his fingers and then he felt someone grab him by the jaw and force Juice to look up. Honestly, he was grateful for the support. He looked at the men with hooded eyes, blinking a few times to try clear his vision. It didn't work.

"Nice bruises, ese." Álvarez tilted his head as he looked down at him, his face blank as he stared at the purple marks covering his neck. 

Juice only scoffed, closing his eyes for a few seconds before he managed to open them again. "Thanks.. I've been told they compliment my complexion." He still managed to be a smartass, even when he was all drugged up.

"Really? Cause all I've been told is that two of my guys did that to you. And now three are dead. Got any idea about that?" 

Juice tried not to wince, he averted his gaze and didn't speak. After a minute of waiting, Álvarez nodded to the guy next to him and he stood up before kicking Juice in the ribs. He gasped out in pain, but it was cut off when the same guy grabbed him by the throat and lifted him in the air so much that his arms bent from where they were tied.

His eyes were wide and he started choking, trying to catch a breath. It was an all too familiar feeling, and Juice couldn't help the tears that started falling down his face. He locked eyes with Álvarez and he tried to speak. Álvarez noticed and called the guy off, who let Juice fall back to the floor. He coughed and spluttered for another minute, then he looked up to him. "They made me say that-"

"Say what?" Álvarez cut him off.

"That your guys tried to.. tried to.." He gulped and looked to the side. "..to  _hang_  me." God, he hated saying that out loud. It just reminded him that he  _failed_. 

"Who made you say that?" Álvarez growled.

Juice was silent. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't give Chibs or Tig up- Chibs was trying to help him! And Tig.. well, he's Tig! He didn't know what to say- he could pin it on black but that would just start more drama for the club.

"WHO?" He asked again, his guy flicking out his knife and pressing the tip against his bruises. 

Juice let out a sad laugh, lifting his head so he was looking Álvarez in the eyes. He looked broken. He was silently crying, but smiling- such a  _sad_ smile. "You want to kill me? Do it. If the guys find out I lied, they will kill me anyway." 

Álvarez's guy pressed the knife harder, not so much to hurt him but so much that it drew a little blood. But.. Álvarez called him off again. The guy stood back and Álvarez walked up to Juice, kneeling down in front of him. "Three of my guys are  _dead_  because of your lie! It's blood for blood, ese. I kill you, that's one. I still need two more of the sons dead. So either you tell me  _who_ , or I will hunt them  _all."_ "

Juice simply smiled at him, though he was internally panicking. "You kill the sons.. more of your guys die. It's like you said,  _ese_. Blood for blood." He spat in his face, smirking. He didn't know what he was doing, this was a dangerous game he was playing. Was he trying to  _make_ them kill him? Trying to stall? He didn't know.. but he didn't really care either. 

Álvarez stood up, wiping his face. He glared down at him, then he turned his back and headed to the door, only stopping when he was halfway out. He turned to face the men, looking between them and Juice. "Do what you want with him. Just don't kill him.  _Yet_."

* * *

"JUICY! JUICY BOY!" 

"JUICE!"

They were running out of places to look. They had checked the hospital, checked his apartment, the weed store.. every place that they thought he might be. But they got nothing. Not even a trail. 

"Are you sure he was taken? What if he ran off?" Jax asked, walking over to Chibs. They were back at the hospital, in the halls near where Juice's room had been. 

"Aye! The lad wouldn't have run off, kid doesn't do well on his own." Chibs frowned, refusing to consider the possibility that he  _had_  run off. He didn't know what he would do if he did.. but he knew it wasn't good.

"What do you mean?" Jax furrowed his brows, his own frown forming.

Chibs sighed, he knew sooner or later he would have to tell the truth about what happened- it just seemed too soon. But.. if it would give a chance of them finding Juice.. it was worth it. "I need to talk to you, in private." He lowered his voice, so the people around couldn't hear. 

"Can this wait? We're a little busy." Jax fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

" _N_ _o_. It's about Juicy- I'm worried about him." Chibs protested, walking to the side and pulling Jax along with him.

"We all are, brother-"

Chibs cut him off by sighing, shaking his head. " _NO_!" He said again, louder, and it caught the attention of the other members. They made their way over and Chibs cursed. "I need to talk to the VP in private-"

Bobby was the one to cut him off this time. "We can't be doing with any secrets right now. Juice is missing, Clay's spiraling, not to mention whats happening with the Mayans.. we don't need more things going wrong." A few of the guys nodded in agreement. 

Chibs looked around the group, they were all looking at him expectantly- and Tig gave him a knowing look. He sighed and averted his gaze to his feet before he faced Jax again. "Okay, fine. Let go to church. We don't need nobody overhearing this shit." He grumbled and pushed past the guys, making his way down the hall and out of the hospital

* * *

"The Mayans didn't hang Juice, he did it himself." Chibs barely gave them time to process that before he started speaking again. "'Kid is troubled, he ain't right in the head. I asked him why and he just said he's tired. I.. I made up that story about the Mayans, and I told him to go along with it. He did, 'cause he was scared he was gonna lose his patch. God, he's fucking broken, and I don't fucking know why! He won't speak to me, Tara, even Gemma. Fuck.." Chibs let out a breathe and braced himself on the table, he could feel himself tear up so he averted his gaze. He hated telling them yet another lie, but at least this one had truth in it.

The table was silent for a few minutes while everyone processed his words. They all looked sad, though most were trying their damnedest to hide it. 

"Tara knew? And Gemma?" Jax asked, his face a mix of concern and frustration. 

Chibs simply nodded. "Aye.. me and Tig had to tell Tara when she treated him.. and you know how inquisitive Gem' is, 'put it together after one night with the boy." 

Happy stood up from the table, his chair falling back behind him. He stormed out of the room, and Jax followed suit. "HEY! What're you doing? Where are you going?" 

Happy barely faltered, he was already opening the door and walking over to his bike before he finally stopped and faced Jax. "I'm going to find our brother. And i'm going to hug the shit out of him. Then I'm going to beat the shit out of everyone who ever made him feel like that." With that, he hopped on his bike and rode off.


	5. I'M BAD AT LIFE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search for Juice continues...
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Juice had spent the last 13 hours being beaten by almost every member of the Mayans. His head hung low, dripping with blood, saliva and tears. He could barely feel his arms, they had been above his head for so long that now they were numb. He was grateful, as he was pretty sure at least four of his fingers were broken, along with one of his arms. 

He was stripped to his boxers, so his whole bloody body was on view. There wasn't an inch of him that they hadn't kicked, punched, cut.. He was in so much pain that he no longer felt anything but. His leg was twisted in a direction he wasn't sure was possible, he had ribs threatening to penetrate his skin, and he would bet his life that he more injuries.

But even though he was beaten to a pulp, the guys still went at him. For hours upon hours- even when he was knocked unconscious, retching up blood,  _begging_  for them to stop or to just kill him.. they carried on. 

Álvarez was in and out of the small bathroom, checking his pulse every now and then because he looked like he was dead. He kept telling him that if he gave the guys up, the beating would stop. And every time, Juice would reply with something snarky that would end with another beating far worse than the last. 

He felt like was still drugged, but that had left his system a while ago. His ears rung, his head was banging, and he could barely open his eyes long enough to see anything other than fuzzed colours or a fist flying at his face. 

But then.. it stopped. And the next thing he felt was someone  _gently_  lifting his head up. A surge of hope filled him, the guys had found him! They were going to save him from this torture! He wished his eyes open enough to see who was in front of him, but he regretted it.

Álvarez was stood in front of him, tilting his head as he looked into the boys eyes, his face was as blank as ever. "How you doin', holmes?" He asked, but he didn't care.

Juice opened his mouth to speak, but it took him a few times to get anything but rasping out. "P..peachy." He forced himself to smile, not even flinching as the cuts on his lips opened up again.

Álvarez nodded, slightly amused. "You look it. Ready to talk yet?" He was answered by Juice spitting in his face again. He sighed and shook his head, dropping Juice's head and wiping his face. "Shame. Beating you isn't getting us anywhere, so.. a few of my guys paid yours a little visit. And we got someone else to hopefully change your mind."

Panic rushed through him, and he willed himself to open his eyes and lift his head. A sob escaped his throat as he locked eyes with Tara. She didn't look hurt, yet, but the way she was looking at him.. like he was a broken child. He knew that look far too well, it made him  _sick_. 

"Please.." He repeated the word he had said over and over. "..don't.. just keep hurting me.. please.." He wasn't sure if he was begging because he didn't want Tara to be hurt, or because he  _wanted_  to be beaten- he knew he deserved it. 

One of the younger looking Mayans lifted Tara to her feet and pressed the knife against her throat. He could see her fight herself to stop struggling. Juice choked on a plead, his whole body quivering. " _PLEASE!_ "

Álvarez yanked Juice up by his throat. "TELL ME! Who made you say it was our guys?! Who  _else_  is responsible for THEIR DEATHS?!" He screamed in his face.

Juice could barely focus on anything, his head was swimming, he was moments away from passing out. But he couldn't stop from staring behind Álvarez's shoulder, at where

Tara was being held. He sobbed and finally let his head drop, muttering the one name he could think to. "Clay.." 

Álvarez rose a brow, he had to strain his ears to hear. He gritted his teeth and threw Juice to the floor, reveling in the pained scream he made when his arm was pulled out of place. He turned to his guys and said something in spanish, the Mayan disappeared with Tara, to release her. 

Álvarez spared a glance back at the pathetic son on the floor. "Pathetic.. ratting out your president." He spat on him, then walked out the door with the rest of the Mayans.

Juice managed to pull himself up on his knees, ignoring the shooting pains throughout his entire body. "WAIT! KILL ME!" He screamed, his throat burning from the harshness. "YOU SAID YOU'D KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! PLEASE!" Juice gasped and collapsed back against the wall, fresh tears streaming down his face. "Please.." He sobbed, closing his eyes. "You said you'd kill me.. please..  _KILL ME!_!" He cried and begged until he passed out. 

* * *

A black SUV pulled up at the front of Teller-Morrow, tires screeching as it came to a stop. The doors opened and Tara was pushed out of it onto the floor, hands bound behind her back and a black bag over her head, then they drove away.

The guys all ran over, some after the van, some for Tara. Jax was the first to reach her, he quickly got the bag off her head and looked her over before pulling her into his arms. He cradled her as she cried out of shock and fear. Bobby came over and cut the ties around her wrist then she wrapped her arms around Jax as they both stood up. 

"What happened? Are you okay? Who was that?" Jax had around 100 questions, but he calmed himself for her sake. He cupped her face and moved her hair out of the way.

Tara looked back over her shoulder as the van was out of sight, she wiped her eyes then hugged him again. "Mayans, they- they have Juice, oh my god, Jax!" She caught her breath, her eyes welling up. The guys were all around them, listening. "They've been beating him- I could hardly recognize him- but he wasn't giving them any information so they caught me when I was on my way over here-"

"Then why did they give you back?" Clay spoke up, looking Tara dead in the eyes. 

"Excuse me?" Jax asked, a threat clear in his voice. 

"They needed you. Why'd they give you back?" 

Tara hesitated, gulping before she spoke again. "He- he gave them what they needed."

Clay hissed, his face scrunching up in anger. "Fucking rat-"

"They had a  _knife_  against my throat! He had no choice." Tara defended him.

"HE ALWAYS HAS A CHOICE!" Clay rose his voice, which earned a shove from Jax.

"Would you rather they have killed my old lady?! Juice didn't tell them when they were beating him- he did  _good_. He held off, he only ratted to save Tara's life!" Jax took a few steps into Clay's personal space, glaring at him. 

"Jax-" Tara put a hand on his shoulder, waiting until he turned to her before she spoke quietly, so only he could hear. "There's something else.." 

Jax nodded and took a step back, glancing around at the group. "Go find Juice. Check  _every_  Mayan property, don't come back until you find him." He ordered and they obeyed. It was as if Jax was already president, that Clay's patch meant nothing. 

After they all left, Tara pulled Jax to the side. She looked greatly concerned. "When I was there- Juice.. he was  _begging_  for them to kill him- he.. Jax-"

"I know that it was Juice who tried to hang himself, not the Mayans. Chibs told us." He cut Tara off, knowing what she was going to say. 

"What are you doing to do?" She asked, curious. 

Jax sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know."

* * *

With everything going on, Chibs could hardly think of anything but Juice. He was still trying to wrap his head around it all, trying to think back- to when Juice started on this dark path. 

Looking back, he realized just how much the new Sheriff had arrested Juice and taken him in. He never thought much of it, never thought that that bastard could've been blackmailing his brother. 

He shook his head and let out a sigh, glancing around at the bar. He was sat alone, told he couldn't go out looking after what he had done.

It had been hours since Tara came back, Chibs had stormed over into Mayan property, demanding to speak with Álvarez. There had been over 20 guns on him within a second, and his brothers had tried to pull him back. But he was so full of  _rage_  that he couldn't do anything but grab the nearest Mayan and put a knife to his throat. 

Needless to say, the plan didn't go so smoothly. They had been told that Álvarez was out of town for  _business_. And after checking it their clubhouse- he knew it was true. Chibs had come out far more worried than he was going in. If Juice wasn't there.. it meant they had taken him somewhere the club didn't know about. 

He brought the bottle of whiskey to his lips, tilted his head back as he swallowed nearly half the bottle. 

"Where are ya Juicy?"


	6. BROTHER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The club finds Juice and Tara checks how injured he is.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Juice opened his eyes slowly, staring up at the blue sky above him. It was bright and clear, not a cloud in sight. The sun was a welcomed warmth washing over his skin and his chest rose and fell slowly, his lungs filling with a fresh load of air with each breath. 

He sat up after a few minutes, finally getting a look at the scene around him. He was in the middle of a field full of green grass and yellow daffodils. It brought a smile to his face. He crossed his legs and reached over, plucking the most striking flower from the ground. He looked it over, turning it in his hands before he lifted it to his face and inhaled it's scent. It smelled of vanilla. 

The chirping of birds drew his attention from the bud, he lifted his head and looked up to a tree. There was a birds nest balanced between branches. He let out a joyful laugh, watching the birds hop around across the branch, flapping their brightly coloured wings. He watched the bigger birds slowly coax the nestlings out, and they too began hopping. 

Juice's smile grew. This was wonderful. 

One particular baby bird caught his eye, it looked to have a mohawk of red feathers while it's siblings were grey. It seemed to be looking right at him, tilting its head before it squawked. Juice chuckled and squawked right back. 

It hopped closer, right to the edge of the branch, then it started to flap its wings. It jumped off the branch and Juice gasped. The baby bird was falling, wings desperately trying to hold the weight of its body. Juice stood up quickly, running over to try save it. But just as Juice reached the tree, the bird hit the ground with a bang- the noise far louder than he expected for such a small being. 

Juice's eyes filled with tears as he fell to his knees beside the nestling, tears falling onto the ground. He reached out with shaking hands, scooping up fragile being in his hands with feather like motions. He looked down upon its mangled corpse, its red blood pooling in his hands as his tears fell onto its body. The blood soaked in its feathers, and soon the red mohawk was hardly visible compared to the rest of its blood-soaked body. 

"I'm sorry.." He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "I'm sorry-  _I'M SORRY!"_ " He screamed, gasping as his air was cut off. He dropped the bird and clawed at his throat, finding chains wrapped tightly around him. His eyes went wide, and suddenly the ground underneath him disappeared. 

His legs flailed in the open air, hands desperately trying to lift himself up and free himself from this metal noose. He wheezed as his lungs strained, his head quickly becoming clouded with panic. 

He begged and pleaded to see that blur of colours- to hear that  _damn_  accent scream for him- to wake up to those terrified brown eyes that filled with relief once he took a deep breath. 

All he got was darkness. Thick, endless, vacant darkness that seemed to engulf him. 

But then.. there was a light. A stream of light that seemed to be calling out to him. And suddenly he was no longer strung up by his neck, fighting to keep himself alive- he was running to that light. And as he got closer.. he could see that there was a hand reaching for him. 

He outstretched his arm and grabbed the hand, gasping as he was pulled against a hard body, two strong arms wrapping around him. He felt a sea of pain and sadness wash over him, and suddenly he was drowning. But those warm arms kept him up, kept him out of it all- and those words brought him back to reality.

_"It's okay, Juicy. I got you, you're okay."_

* * *

Happy's phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and unlocked it, seeing he had gotten a text message from one of his old NOMAD brothers. He opened it up, read it, then threw his phone down and stormed over to his bike. 

It didn't go unnoticed. Tig rose a brow and walked over, crouching onto the ground and picking up Happy's, now smashed, phone. He tilted his head, reading the message aloud. "'Got a lead on the boy, looks like Mayan and Niner work'- ah, shiiit! JAX!" Tig stood up and jogged across the clubhouse, pushing the chapel doors open. 

Both Clay and Jax were sat at the table, each of them glaring at the other. Tig could tell they had been arguing- but that was a problem for another time. Clay looked up to Tig, clearly annoyed to be interrupted. " _What_?!"

"Mayans  _and_  Niners got Juice- Happy's gone after them. He'll kill them all if we don't stop him." 

" _What_?!" Jax stood up and slid around the table, running to the exit of the clubhouse. "CHIBS, BOBBY, OPIE! LETS GO! BRING THE PROSPECTS!" He yelled on his way, mounting his bike as soon as he stepped out the door. 

Tig turned to Clay, who was still sat down at the head of the table. "You coming, brother?" He asked, furrowing his brows. 

Clay let out a sigh and shook his head. "No. Kid's got the best guys going to get him. He don't need no old bastard who can hardly ride a bike without his hands cramping like hell."

Tig scoffed at that. "Whatever, man. Mope in here all you want. I'm gonna go save a brother." He turned and walked away from the chapel, whistling to gain the attention of the remaining prospects who were still in the bar. "Didn't you hear the VP? C'mon, let's go! Chop chop, put those legs to use!"

* * *

Jax managed to catch up to Happy while on the road, the club in formation behind him. He revved his engine and rode up beside Happy. "THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" He had to yell over the sound of their bikes. 

"MAYANS GOT JUICE IN NINER TERRITORY." 

"WE KNOW! LET US WORK OUT A PLAN, BROTHER!" 

"I GOT A PLAN." Happy didn't even spare a glance at Jax, his eyes on the road at all times, fury behind them.

"YOU GONNA TELL US?" 

"KILL THEM. GET JUICE." Happy turned a corner quickly, cutting Jax off from following him. 

Jax struggled to keep control of his bike, he had to slow down and pull over. Most of the guys followed his lead, but Chibs only sped up, motioning for the prospects to follow him. He turned the corner that Happy did, speeding up some more so he could get in position behind him. 

Jax got off his bike and threw his helmet to the ground, shouting out in frustration. "FUCK!" He didn't notice Chibs ride away with the prospects until they were almost out of sight. " _FUCK_!" He repeated, quickly putting his helmet back on. "FOLLOW THEM!" He called out to Opie, Tig and Kozik behind him.

"What're you gonna do?" Bobby asked, just about to ride off. 

"We need ammo. We're not prepared if we're doing this now- and something tells me I won't be able to convince them to stand down." Jax started up his bike again. 

"I'll come with you, bring some more." Bobby declared, earning a nod from the VP. The two of them drove back to the club

* * *

The guys got off their bikes a block away from where they suspected Juice was being held, as to not give away their arrivals. Happy turned to face Chibs, anger clear in his expression. "If you're going to try-"

Chibs cut him off, holding his hand up. "I'm not. We need to gut those bastards and get our Juicy. We'll follow your lead, brother." 

Happy glanced back to the prospects, then nodded. He turned and started jogging toward the Niner property. They each had their handguns ready, aiming them to the ground while they snuck up to the building. 

Happy looked at the guys, mouthing 'on three'. He took a breath, then counting. 'one.. two..' "THREE!"

Chibs kicked the doors open and the prospects flooded in, all aiming their guns at the people in the building. There were people yelling in different languages, taking out their own guns and aiming.

"Christ.." Chibs muttered. "You were right." Mayans  _and_  Niners were inside. Not all of them, but a handful from each group.

* * *

The prospects had both the Mayans and Niners outside on the ground, hands on their heads, when Jax showed up with the rest of the club. They got off their bikes and jogged over. "Wheres Chibs? Hap?"

"Inside." Phil answered. 

Jax only cursed as he walked to the doors, the other members staying out.

Happy and Chibs were frantically checking the building- Happy went upstairs and Chibs went downstairs. The basement looked deserted, seemingly only storage down there.

There were two doors hidden away in the corners, Chibs practically ran toward them. He opened the first, looking inside, but it was only a closet. He tried the other, but it was locked. 

Chibs backed up a few paces, then he ran at the door, slamming his whole body against it. The door shook, but it didn't work. It took three more tries before the door swung open, the stench of blood, sweat, and drugs hitting him like a brick. He coughed and blinked, walking into the tiled room. As soon as he was inside, he saw Juice, laying sprawled on the ground covered head to toe in grime and blood.

Chibs wouldn't have recognized him if it weren't for those stupid tattoos on the side of his skull. "Juicy-" He rushed forward and skid to his knees, immediately checking his pulse. He could feel it even before his fingers pressed against his skin, it was  _hammering_. It was then that he noticed he was crying, sweating and twitching, obviously suffering from some drug induced nightmare if the track marks on his arms were anything to go by. He took out his knife and cut the ropes that held Juice's wrists to a pipe. He slowly and carefully lifted the boy to his feet, just as he started to choke, his whole body shaking. 

Chibs panicked, the guy looked like he was having a fit! "Juicy?!" He grabbed his face, slapping him a few times before it snapped him out of it and he gasped loudly. Chibs failed at keeping back tears. He hated this, hated seeing Juice so weak and tortured. It was bad enough when it was mental, but now..  _seeing_  everything, it was heartbreaking. He grabbed Juice's arms and pulled his fragile body against him, wrapping his arms around him securely.

Juice fought in his grasp, suddenly awake and  _sobbing_  onto his patch. Chibs held Juice's head still, one arm still keeping him close. "It's okay, Juicy. I got you, you're okay." He tried to fight the tremble of his voice, but soon he found himself sobbing along with him.

Happy and Jax burst into the tiny room, they had heard the commotion and ran over. They stopped once they saw the pair. "Shit.." They cursed at the same time, both shocked at the state their  _brothers_  were in.

* * *

Neither Juice or the club were okay with sending Juice back to St. Thomas. That's where this whole mess started. So they took him back to the clubhouse. 

Chibs was carrying Juice bridal style, careful not to bang his legs or head against anything. The boy couldn't walk, god knows what had happened to him. But now, those purple bruises wrapped around his neck were the least of his worries. 

He lay Juice down on a bed in one of the back rooms in the clubhouse, on top of the covers because Tara had to check him over.

She walked in the room, having been following the pair, and put down her bag next to the bed. She glanced up at Chibs. "Do you mind leaving?"

Chibs shook his head in response. "No way. We just got the lad back, 'm not leaving him alone."  

Tara nodded, letting out a quiet sigh before looking around the room, at the other members. "Then can just  _one_ of you stay?"

"Aye, I wi-"

"No, Chibs. I have to talk to you. You too Happy. Opie can stay." Jax spoke, nodding toward the men before he head out the door. 

Chibs let out a sigh, but nodded. He spared a glance to Juice, frown settling in his face, before he stood and followed them out. 

* * *

Juice lay deathly still on the bed, his eyes open and watching Tara's every more. She and Opie were trying to wipe away as much dirt and blood as they could from his body without having to get him into the shower. He would flinch whenever the cold cloth touched his skin. 

Opie let out a breath once they were done, finally seeing the extent of his injuries. He looked at Juice's eyes, to see he was already looking at him. He gave a sad smile and reached out to gently pat his head. Juice leaned into the touch, letting his eyes falling closed. 

"Alright.. his shoulder is definitely dislocated.. I will need your help to put it back into place. Can you keep still for me?" She directed the last part to Juice, who nodded in response. 

"Okay, what do I do?" Opie moved around the bed next to Tara. 

"I'm going to put his arm in place, you need to hold him down. It will hurt.. a lot. And Juice needs to be still otherwise he could break his arm."  Tara explained, standing and gently grabbing hold of Juice's arm. She held his wrist and just under his elbow firmly.

Opie nodded and moved onto the bed by Juices side, holding him down onto the bed by his chest. He nodded at Tara, and she nodded back before slowly but forcefully pulling Juice's arm away from his body. Juice let out a cry, trying to pull away from her, but Opie had him held down so he didn't move. There was a loud snap and then the pain started to disappear. Juice furrowed his brows, still gasping quietly as he looked at her. 

"Feels better, huh?" She smiled softly when he nodded. "Okay, that's that done. He will have to wear this sling for at least two weeks, as well as applying ice to the joint every day."

"You think you could write that down?" Juice asked, and Opie chuckled. 

"I got the memory of a dolphin. No need." Opie countered, ignoring the disbelieving looks from both other people. He cleared his throat. "What now, doc?" 

Tara let out a breath. "I'm going to try realign his broken tibia.." She glanced at Juice before lowering her voice so only Opie would hear. "This could go wrong."

Opie nodded. "Whatever you need to do." 

Tara inhaled deeply, forcing herself to concentrate. She exhaled slowly through her nose then set to work. She took Opie's hands and placed them above the fracture, putting her own hands below. "Put pressure on where you're holding, make sure his leg stays still. Juice, I need you to tell me if the pain gets worse, okay? This is  _very_ important."

Juice gulped but nodded. Honestly, he doubted he would be able to tell if it got worse. His whole body felt numb. Nevertheless, he closed his eyes and clenched his fists, preparing himself for any more pain. 

Once Juice looked ready, Tara tightened her grip on his leg and slowly pushed the broken bone into place. It took around a minute, as Tara was being  _very_  careful. She let out a sigh of relief, it had went well. She nodded at Opie, who let go and patted Juice's head again. "We did it, you okay?" 

Juice opened his eyes, nodding. "What exactly did you do?" He furrowed his brows. 

"We put your broken bone back into place. Again, you'll have to wear a splint for a few weeks while the bone heals.. but you should be okay." Tara smiled reassuringly. Juice nodded at her in reply. "I checked your ribs, they're not broken but bruised. Don't wear any tight clothing, don't smoke, and  _please_  don't move that much. Moving can disturb all of your injuries." She paused, letting him take that all in, then she spoke again. "The rest of your injuries are just cuts and bruises, I'll stitch the deeper ones.. then that should be it."

Juice nodded again. "Thanks doc.."

* * *

By the time Tara came out of the room, Jax had spoken to both Chibs and Happy about them running off. He had said that they shouldn't have disobeyed their VP and future president. But he had also said that he was glad they did, and that they had done well. 

All the members were sat around a table, drinking together. Tara walked over and explained what she had told Juice. She also wrote down medication he will need and what to do for after treatment. Chibs had volunteered to look after Juice, explaining he felt a need to. The guys understood, the two were best friends, and Chibs was probably the person Juice was closest to, other than Clay or Hap. 

They all got up from their seats and walked into the back room Juice was laying in.

Jax sat on the edge of his bed and looked at him respectfully. "Thank you for saving my girl." Juice looked confused at that, but he carried on. "When the Mayans had a knife to her throat. Thank you."

"But.. I ratted-" 

"They would have killed her if you didn't. That's all that matters. We'll be prepared for whatever they do with what you told them. You just stay and rest, let the guys take care of you. You did good, brother." He walked up to the bed and pet Juice's head, kissing it much like Clay had done a few days before. Jax left after that, letting the other brothers walk up and give their own thanks. 

Juice was overwhelmed, he had been expecting something entirely different. He was able to fall asleep with a genuine smile on his face.


	7. STRAIGHT TO HELL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mayans strike back.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Juice spent the night in the dorm room he had been put in. As soon as everyone had left his room, he had fallen asleep. And for once, it wasn't disturbed by nightmares, he had a peaceful, dreamless, sleep. He only woke up when something cold and wet was pressed against his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and he furrowed his brows, seeing the blurred figure of a man with his back facing him, reaper patch in clear view. 

He made a move to reach for whatever was on his head but he groaned in pain, lowering his arm back into its sling. He had forgotten all about it. The man turned to look at Juice, and after forcing his eyes to focus, he could tell it was Happy. 

Happy walked over to the bed and stared down at Juice for a few seconds before he pulled out a small flashlight from his pocket and shone it in Juice's eyes. Juice recoiled and shut his eyes, groaning again as he used his good arm to shield his eyes. "What the hell, man?!" The flannel that was put on his head fell off and landed on his chest. It earned  _another_  groan.

Happy shrugged and turned the flashlight off. "I saw doctors do it. Wanted to try it." His voice was nonchalant as he put the flashlight back in his pocket, then picked up the flannel and put it back on Juice's head. 

"What's the point of that-" Juice tried to protest, leaning away from Happy.

"You have a fever." Happy put a hand on Juice's chest to keep him still as he put the flannel on his head.

Juice frowned and glared up at him, but he didn't protest again.

The dorm room opened and Ratboy poked his head in, looking straight at Happy. "Time for Church." 

Happy stared at Ratboy. "Again?" 

Ratboy only nodded. Juice's frown grew. "Can you help me get there?" 

"Oh.. Uh," The young male rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Actually, Jax said just to bring Hap." 

Juice furrowed his brows in confusion, but he nodded. Happy glanced at him, then followed Rat out the door.

* * *

Juice managed to get out of bed by himself with minimal pain. He held himself up against the wall with his good arm, taking excruciatingly slow steps. By the time he got himself down the hallway and out by the bar, the crew were coming out of the Chapel. Juice mentally cursed, his whole plan was to eavesdrop. 

The guys spotted him, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Juice groaned, lowering himself onto a bar stool as some of them walked over. He gave a smile then looked down at the beer Chuckie had handed him. He focused entirely on the sloshing liquid inside the cold glass. He flinched unintentionally when someone put a hand on his shoulder, inhaling sharply. 

"You alright, brother?" Tig asked as he slid onto the stool next to him. 

Juice nodded silently, lifting his beer with a shaky hand before he downed all of it in seconds. 

Tig whistled, saying something else. But Juice wasn't paying attention, he was too focused on his thoughts. He only got brought back when Chuckie pried the empty bottle from his grasp. 

Juice cleared his throat and glanced around, Tig had walked off and was now speaking with Clay, Chibs and Jax were speaking over in a corner, and Chuckie was looking at him, concerned. 

"Need another?" He asked, handing him another bottle when Juice nodded. 

"Thanks." But just as he was about to knock that one back as well, it was taken off him. Juice furrowed his brows looking to his left to see Chibs. 

There was that look Juice despised. Pity. It made his stomach churn with disgust. He looked away, closing his eyes to try block the image out of his head. "You're on some pretty heavy pain meds, Juicy. You know what could happen of you drink too much.." Chibs trailed off, concern etched into his voice. Juice read between the lines and he knew what he was implying. 

Juice felt a surge of anger and he turned to face Chibs, glaring at him hard. "I'm not trying to kill myself." He said flatly, loud enough for the people around them to hear. "I just want to have a drink, because I just got back from being  _kidnapped_  and I could  _really_  use it." 

The conversation died around them, and people sent concerned looks his way. Juice hated it. He barely heard Chibs sigh and walk away. But he did grab the beer he had left, wasting no time in drinking it.

* * *

Clay sat at the head of the table in the Chapel, staring down at the gavel. His face was morphed into a grimace and he curled his hands into fists. It sent shooting pains through them, but he ignored it. 

Too much was going wrong, going off plan. Jax was an inch away from replacing him as president, Juice had ratted them out to the Mayans, and now he had a target on his head. Any moment, the clubhouse could get bombarded with Mexicans holding guns at them. But the vote to go on lockdown wasn't unanimous, and it's not like anyone would listen to him at the moment.

Clay closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying his damned hardest to keep his anger under control. "Fuck it." He muttered after a minute of silence. He stood up from the chair in a hurry, it falling over behind him. He ripped his gun out of its holster and stormed around the table and into the bar. His eyes scanned the crowd until he spotted who he was looking for. His grimace grew, pure  _fury_  in his expression. He barged over to the male and pressed the barrel of his gun against his head.

"WOAH- Hey, hey- Clay what're you doing?!" Jax ran over and stared at him in shock. 

Clay ignored him, pressing his gun harder against that  _stupid_  head tattoo. He cocked his gun, his anger only growing when the man didn't even flinch.

"CLAY!" 

Juice just sat at the bar, sipping his drink with his eyes closed. The people around him were in a panic, but Juice just sat- unbothered. The metal was cold against his skull, and the ringing in his ears blocked out whatever words were said. 

He didn't want to hear whatever was going on, he just knew if  _this_  was how he was going to die, he'd take it. 

But then he felt a warm hand against his face, and his head was turned to look at them. He opened his eyes, finding Chibs sitting in front of him again. He furrowed his brows as he reached forward- and it was only then that he realized he had been crying. For how long?

"You okay, Juicy?" He asked, his voice was as soft as the hands on him. 

When did Clay leave? What exactly had happened when he zoned out? He shook his head and closed his eyes, tears falling onto his jeans. Chibs let out a sigh and dragged his stool closer, so he could pull Juice into his arms. Juice let out a whine at the contact, leaning into Chibs' embrace as he placed a kiss onto his temple. 

* * *

"The hell was that?!" Jax shouted, seconds after slamming the chapel doors closed. 

Clay growled lowly and shook his head in frustration before he whipped around and pointed his finger at the door. "It's  _his_  fault."

Jax's nostrils flared and he took a step forward, invading Clay's personal space. " _HE_  did  _nothing!_ " He countered. 

Just as Clay was about to speak up again, tens of bullets started penetrating the clubhouse. The two men hit the ground hard, eyes wide as they each grabbed their own guns and slid underneath the window. Jax peeked out hesitantly, managing to get a look through the window before he ducked out of the way as a bullet smashed it. Jax didn't even spare Clay a glance as he got up and ran out of the chapel. 

There was shattered glass covering the floor and bullet holes decorating the walls. Customers were screaming, hiding under tables or pressing themselves against the floor, and Sons all held their guns aimed at windows or doors, firing back.

Jax followed suit, jogging to his brothers before aiming. They nodded at each other silently, ceasing fire as they waited. It was only seconds later that the doors were kicked open, and the Sons resumed firing bullets at their attackers. 

Bobby was hidden behind a turned over table, shooting over it. Tig had the same idea, though he was mainly out in the open. Happy was  _completely_  open, standing in the middle of the room, with a few people behind him. One of those people being Juice. Juice had fallen to the floor for cover as soon as the shooting started, his screams of pain masked by the gunshots. The rest of the MC were with Jax, forming a line that covered the chapel entrance.

It was Mayans, of course, here to collect Clay, no doubt. And even though some of the guys  _hated_  Clay, and would much rather hand him over, Clay was  _still_  a Son right now.. and Sons protected each other. 

So that's what they did.

* * *

Gemma stormed into the bar, the sound of her heels deafening in the silence. Her face was curled up in anger, she barely glanced around the bar before she went up to Jax. "Where is he!?" 

Even her voice was terrifyingly harsh. He only had to nod toward the chapel and then she stormed into there too. She pushed the doors open, not bothering to let them close behind her. Clay was sat at the table again, staring down at the gavel much like he had done only hours before. Gemma slapped him hard across the face, and he barely  _flinched_. 

Clay had been shot multiple times, mainly by Álvarez. He had gotten his revenge, spat in Clay's face and cursed him for killing his members. Then he left him to die, sparing a glance at Juice and sending him a smirk before he and his guys left. 

Clay looked up at Gemma, frown set permanently into his features. A sob escaped Gemma's throat as she looked down at him. "You stupid old man-" She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him hard. Then she rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes as tears fell onto his face. "You  _stupid_  old man!" 

Clay had refused to let Jax call Tara, telling him that saving him would do more bad than good. He asked him to call Gemma and to leave him alone with her. And because it seemed like Clay would bleed out in minutes, Jax obliged. 

"I love you, Gem." He whispered, so quiet only she could hear. Gemma shook her head and pulled back, wiping his eyes and glaring down at him.

"You don't get to go like this, you asshole!" Her voice was wavering, but she was trying  _so_ hard to keep it together. If Clay dies, her boys will be upset. And she has to be there for them. But.. would they  _really_  be upset? 

Through the doors, various members were cleaning up the mess that had been made. Most of the glass was gone, tables were standing again, and any blood or drinks were being wiped up. In contrast to the chapel. the bar was in a comfortable silence. Everyone was just getting on with whatever job they had been given or they were resting.

Juice was back in a dorm, he had passed out as soon as Álvarez left, Happy had carried him to the bed and left him to go tidy up. Juice felt overwhelmed with fear, guilt and pain. He wanted nothing more than to just grab his gun and aim at his head. This was all his fault, after all. Clay was dying because of him. The only man who had even been like a  _father_ to him was dying because of  _him_. His brothers tried to reassure him, tell him it wasn't his fault- but all it did was make it worse. He had thrown up shortly after waking up, having had nightmares of the same moment over and over. Because, of course, when Juice fell to the floor, he had a clear view of the chapel- a clear view when Álvarez shot him over and  _over_. And then that bastard  _smirked_  at him. He may as well had screamed the words in his face; ' _THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU!_ '

He was alone in the dorm, aside from the yelling of his own voice in his head. He was drunk and hopped up on pain meds, but nothing seemed to help the  _ache_  in his chest. It hurt so much he was gasping for breath, clutching at his shirt and wheezing. 

Every tiny move he made reminded him of all of his injuries and how  _recent_  they were. They hadn't even begun to heal yet, and he had already made them worse in the shooting. It would take even longer for him to heal. But he didn't know how long he could manage lying in bed, lost in the maze of his thoughts. Because even though people talked to him, distracted him, he would always get lost again, even more so than the last time. 

But the  _most horrible_  thing about him having to stay in the same place, he couldn't even see Clay. He couldn't apologize, he couldn't plead for forgiveness. Juice closed his eyes and finally caught his breath, inhaling so deeply it made him dizzy. His chest heaved up and down and he cried out, screaming in pain. Physical and mental. The last image he will ever have of Clay will be him getting shot because of him. 

The door creaked open and Chuckie stepped into the room. And from the look on his face, he just  _knew_  it had happened. He had died.

Juice wished Clay had pulled the trigger when he held the gun against his head.


	8. HANGING ON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The club grieves the loss of their president. 
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Jax had been having a hard couple days, adjusting to the new weight that was dropped on his shoulders as soon as he sewed that 'President' patch into his cut. Gemma was left, angry and sad to grieve the loss of her husband alone. It was Jax's job to comfort her, she wouldn't allow anyone else to, but Jax barely spared a glance in her direction. 

The other guys weren't much better off, but they all grieved in their own way. Some left for a ride, saying they would be back once their head was clear. Some visited family, realizing how precious it is and how easily life can end. Some never left their barstool, not having been sober for almost 60 hours. 

Then there was Juice. Juice, who couldn't leave the club even if he wanted to, who couldn't even numb his emotions with alcohol unless he wanted to overdose, who was also left alone and forgotten- by everyone except for one person.

Gemma opened the door to the dorm room slowly, hesitantly taking a step inside before she turned and closed the door quietly. She did not know if Juice was asleep or not, but if he was, she wanted to be respectful and let him rest. The thought of  _what_  she was doing crossed her mind, because she was walking up to the man who is responsible for her husband's death, but she willed them away. It seems they had something the other needed. Company. 

She put her bag onto the floor beside the bed and sat down in the velvet chair beside it, eyes scanning over the broken boy who lay in the old, worn bed. A silent sigh left her lips. She had a flashback to when they were in the same positions, only in a hospital room instead. With all the chaos that has gone on over the last week, she had totally forgotten about the fact that this all had started with Juice trying to off himself.

Guilt rose in her stomach, she had been grieving for Clay.. but she never grieved for Juice. He was still alive, but if Chibs had found him simply seconds later, he wouldn't be. She had already lost too many of her boys, losing another would add to the pile of despair that she tried so hard to ignore.  
Gemma found herself reaching over and taking the boys hand, a few stray tears falling down her face as she looked at Juice's. Even asleep, his expression told a story full of trauma and tragedy. The way his eyes twitched and a cold sweat covered his forehead was a clear indication that he was  _still_  being tortured in the world of dreams. She scoffed to herself. Dreams? More like nightmares.

The Sons of Anarchy only knew nightmares.

Juice woke up not long after, his tired eyes registered who it was who was sat by him. A lump formed in his throat and he felt a wave of emotions cover him. His eyes were wide and he opened his mouth to speak but the only noise that came out was a whimper. 

Gemma would have laughed if it didn't sound so sad. She kept her hand on his, reassuringly rubbing his skin with her thumb, a gentle smile on her lips. "How you feeling, sweetie?"

Juice was surprised, of course. Her words were warm and her touch was calming, completely the opposite he expected from the woman whose husband had died because of his mistake. A sob-like noise escaped his throat and he just stared, like a deer in the headlights, or a child being caught drawing on the walls. But even though his eyes held fear, you could tell with one look at him that he was willing to either attack or flee if he got one hint of hostility. 

Upon seeing this, Gemma's small smile turned into a frown. The boy would rather injure himself further rather than speak to her. She released his hand, hers shaking as she placed it on her knee. "Juice-"

"I'm sorry."

There was that habit again, he was always interrupting people.  _Always_. Gemma shook her head and sat up in her chair, budging to the edge of it. "Don't you apologize, dear. This wasn't your fault." It sounded like a lie even to her. She cleared her throat before continuing. "I'm here as a concerned mother, not a raging, grieving widow. You got nothing to be scared of, my darling boy."

Juice visibly relaxed at that, but not completely. He lowered his head in submission, silently nodding. Gemma stood up from her chair and lay down on the other side of the bed, holding her arms out toward him. Juice hesitated at first, but he didn't take much convincing before he shuffled into her arms. It was worth the pain that came from moving, to feel warm arms wrapped around him, to listen to the comforting words whispered into his ear, to feel  _loved_  and  _safe_  in his mother's arms. Because that was what Gemma was.

Clay was his father, Gemma was his mother. As soon as he joined the club, they were his parents. 

His mother was comforting him after he had just killed his father. It wasn't right, it made his guilt worse. But in this moment, he was so weak, he just cried. He cried in his mother's arms, apologizing again and again, begging for her forgiveness, then begging for death. He wanted her to kill him, to get revenge, to  _avenge_  her husband. But Gemma only cried with him and rocked him, whispering small reassurances until he fell back asleep. 

Because at least the horrors his experienced in nightmares were fake.

* * *

Gemma exited the room once she was sure Juice as asleep. She could hardly hold herself up, her legs were wobbling and it was making it very hard for her to walk in heels. She rose a shaky hand to her mouth, letting out a sob just as she exited the hallway. It all seemed to catch up with her, and then she was falling to her knees.

Bobby saw and rushed over, holding his arms out to her. He helped her stand and pulled her into a hug, her arms wrapping around the short man. "Oh Gem, come over here." He lead her out into the side office, sitting her down on the couch. She let herself cry in his arms, unable to hold it back anymore. She didn't care that she was showing how frail she was, she needed to let it out. Her fingers clung to Bobby's shirt as he held her shaking body. 

Her cries could be heard in the club, and it made everyone stop what they were doing. Their Queen was grieving, so they grieved too. 

The remaining brothers, the ones that were still here, they walked up to each other. Jax walked to Opie, embracing in a long hug, each of them shedding silent tears. Jax pulled back to do the same to Chibs, but the boys saw him almost jogging to the dorms. To Juice. So Opie and Jax faced each other once more and hugged again, resting their heads on each other.

"I love you, my brother."

"I love you too, Prez."

Bobby walked back in, Gemma following with her hand in Bobby's. They walked to the boys and shared their own hugs. Gemma kissed Opie's forehead, then brought her son into a tight embrace. She rubbed his back and closed her eyes, breathing in and out deeply. 

Opie leaned down to hug Bobby, the man he grew up knowing as his father's brother. His own father was back in his cabin, grieving his own way; with a bottle. 

* * *

Chibs couldn't take it any longer, seeing his brothers, his mother, grieve. He had tried to keep himself from running to Juice, knowing the boy had so much shit in his head right now. He didn't think he'd be the best person to see. 

But he needed this. 

When Jax and Opie hugged, he turned and went straight to his dorm, not even bothering knocking before he opened the door. It shut behind him louder than he expected. It woke Juice up from his sleep. 

The boys eyes were wide for a few seconds, probably shocked at having been woken. He looked over to the door, to Chibs, and his face morphed into a look of  _so many_  emotions it was hard to read.

Chibs knew how he looked right now, eyes shining with tears, his frown reaching the ends of his face- the way his  _scars_  made him look so  _ugly_. He just stood there, not knowing what he wanted to do. 

Juice seemed to figure that out. So he slowly sat up in the bed and turned so he was sat on the side. He lifted his leg and rested it on the chair opposite him, patting the space next to him on the bed with his good arm. 

Chibs let out a shaky breath, his legs moving on their own. He sat down next to Juice, their eyes never breaking contact. Chibs swallowed his emotions, hand reaching up and cupping one side of Juice's face. Juice leaned into his touch, small smile on his lips. Chibs saw, his eyes flickering down to them then back to the dark brown orbs. 

One tear fell from the corner of his aging eyes, trailing down his skin and falling over his scar. Juice reached up with his own, uninjured, hand and wiped the tear away with a feather touch. Chibs took that hand in his own, pulling it away from his face and instead holding it, resting on their laps. His other hand stroked the side of Juice's face and Juice closed his eyes, simply enjoying the contact.

This was what Chibs needed, a gentle touch, something reassuring. Something.. someone like Fiona. Someone who looked at him with eyes full of  _love_. Juice was always different than his brothers. His brothers looked at him with love, but it wasn't with the same intensity that Juice had. He didn't know what it was, but Juice was never like his brothers. Juice was  _always_  different. 

Chibs moved his hand to the boys neck, pulling him close to him. Juice rested his head on Chibs shoulder, Chibs head rested on Juice's. They hadn't spoken a word to each other, they didn't need to. 

Silent comfort. 

More tears fell onto their interlocked hands, neither of them knew if it was their own or the others. 


	9. LISTEN UP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SAMCRO cut ties with their business partners. Juice and Chibs are apart for the first time in a week.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

It took another day for the clubhouse to be running again, for everything to be put into place as if nothing had happened. The air was lighter now, now everyone had grieved.

Tig and Kozik were back, but Happy was still at his mother's house. The boys knew how much Hap' loved his ma, so they understood they may not see him for another few days. 

They all greeted each other with a smile, a hug, and a kiss to the head. 

"Welcome back, brothers."

"Happy to be back." Kozik commented, nodding at them, Tig agreed. 

"Things okay?" Tig asked, looking to the new president. 

"Yeah.. they are. Told our current contacts that we're gonna take another few days or so to let the ground settle. So we can relax for now." Jax explained, walking with his

brothers to the bay. Chuckie was there, of course, pouring them drinks as soon as they sat down. 

"What about the Mayans? And Niners?" Opie questioned, thanking Chuckie for the drink. 

"Well.." Jax sighed and sipped a beer. "Mayans got their revenge, said they won't attack again, but also cut ties. Niners.. well, they're going through their own shit right now. Talked to one of the guys who took Juice, told 'em  _we're_  cutting ties."

His brothers nodded along, thinking that the best decision. 

Jax passed drinks around to his brothers, raising his bottle in the air. "Sons of Anarchy are no longer in the drug business." 

There was a chorus of cheers and they all drank. 

"What we cheering for?" A quiet voice asked, they looked to the side to see Juice limping over, his arm wrapped around Chibs' shoulder. 

Jax stood and walked over, smile on his face. He pat Juice on the back and rubbed his head. "We're going clean, brother."

Juice rose his brows, glancing up at Chibs who looked equally shocked. "For real?"

Jax nodded, taking two more beers from Chuckie and handing one to Chibs, opening the other for Juice. "For real." 

Chibs helped Juice sit down on a stool, carefully lifting his leg and letting it rest on another. Juice grinned, a genuine  _wide_  smile, and he raised his glass. "Fucking finally." He breathed out, making a few of his brothers laugh, then he knocked his drink back. 

* * *

Things seemed to be getting better, surprisingly. Juice thought after the club found out he tried to off himself, they would kick him out. It  _was_  one of the rules. But then bigger things happened, and, yeah, they still knew about his suicide attempt, and Juice would occasionally catch them watching him; looking for signs they should be concerned, but Juice had already proved himself. He had been tortured for information and didn't give anything up, he protected the club. He may be a suicidal idiot, but he is a  _loyal_  suicidal idiot. 

Gemma started helping Chuckie more with his work, it distracted her. She had a lot of free time suddenly, it was hard to know what to do with herself. But she was okay. Because as much as she loved Clay, she was glad he was gone. She hated to admit it.. but she felt free. As if his death had cut some invisible restraints.

As for Chibs, though, he was struggling a little. He was spending almost all his time looking after Juice, being by his side for more than 20 hours a day. He watched over him as he slept, he made sure he took his medication, he applied ice to his wounds, and changed his bandages. He helped him walk, helped him sit, helped him into the bathroom for Christs sakes. He hadn't actually left his side for more than 30 minutes for days. That's not what he was struggling with, though. He was struggling with his emotions for the boy. He was just so  _concerned_. If Juice showed the slightest sign of pain, Chibs would be trying everything to help him. He was so worried about Juice. Afraid if he didn't keep his eye on him he would get taken again, or worse,  _attempt_. He didn't know why he was suddenly so engrossed in his well being. 

He was before, of course he was. But now it was different. Now, he wouldn't let Juice sleep without touching him, because he knew if he did sleep without any physical contact; he had nightmares. Now, he wouldn't let Juice walk without holding onto him. Because no matter how much Juice insisted he  _could_  walk on his own, Chibs didn't want to take the chance that he was wrong. Now, whenever Juice would smile, one of his real smiles, the one that Juice hadn't done for weeks before, Chibs stomach would flip, his heart would speed up, and his hands would get clammy. 

Chibs was struggling with  _understanding_. 

He was  _also_  struggling with being away from him, because Tara was back to check up on him and had insisted she do it in private. Chibs had strategically placed himself on the side of the bar, so he had a view of the hallway, a view of Juice's dorm door. He nursed his glass of scotch, running a hand through his greasy hair. He hadn't bathed in days either. Too preoccupied with Juice to care for himself. 

Tig walked over and clapped him on the shoulder, taking a seat next to him. "You look and smell like shit. You been home recently?" He asked, as if reading Chibs' mind.  
Chibs shrugged his shoulders and sipped his drink, looking over to his brother. "Nah, kids got me worried sick. Kinda forgot."

Tig nodded in understanding. Chibs and Juice were always closer to each other than the others, they were best friends. "Well, he's got us to look after him too. So why don't you go home, get washed, maybe rest a little too." He rose a brow, noticing the more prominent bags under his eyes.

Chibs shook his head. "I'm alright."

"Yeah, you might be. But if I have to put up with your  _stench_  any longer I might shove a knife up my nose." Tig joked, laughing after he finished talking. 

Chibs rolled his eyes, but sighed and nodded. "Let me just say bye."

"It's not like you're leaving for a run, Chibs, I'm sure Juice won't miss you  _that_  much."

He stood up from his stool and hesitated, glancing down the hall, then nodding again. "Aye.."  _But I might._

* * *

Juice carefully lifted his shirt over his head, putting it on the bed. He was wearing shorts so that was okay, he could keep them on. He sat on the bed and moved so he was laying down. 

Tara walked over and gave him a smile, taking out her small bag of medical things. "How've you been feeling?" She asked him. 

"Pretty good actually, my arm barely hurts anymore and-" He motioned to his chest and his face. "Bruises are gone, cuts are on their way. The only thing that actually still hurts is my leg." 

Tara nodded, pleased with his words. "That's good to hear, I wasn't sure if you would need further medical attention." She checked out his cuts, making sure they weren't infected. She checked his arm next, taking the sling off. "Can you show me how much you can move it?"

Juice nodded and slowly outstretched his arm, following her orders.

"Okay.. that's good, I don't think you'll need to wear the sling anymore." She smiled as she delivered the news. He seemed pleased at that. She moved onto his leg. Juice had refused to get a cast, insisting on just using a splint and some bandages. She slowly unraveled the bandages, taking a look at the bruised skin. She pressed her hands on it softly, glancing up as Juice hissed in pain. "Still hurting?" Juice nodded. "Chibs said you've been walking, how bad is it then?"

"Well I don't put my foot on the floor so its not  _that_  bad, but still hurts."

"Okay.. that's better than actually walking on it. But I would prefer you to not move it at all if possible." She gave him a pointed look, knowing that he would disobey. 

Juice rubbed the back of his head and nodded. "I'll try."

Tara nodded and wrapped a new bandage around his leg with a splint. "Okay," She said with a smile, putting her gear back in her bag. "You seem to be recovering well, this is a very good sign. And.." She trailed off, hesitant about her next words. "Jax asked to talk to you." She sat down in the chair by the bed.

Juice furrowed his brows and sat up, turning toward her. "About..?"

"How's.. uh.." She licked her lips and tilted her head. "How's your.. mind?" She asked, tapping her head to indicate what she meant.

Juice rose his brows and let out a breath, nodding. "Ah.. uh, yeah. That's.. better. I'm.. I'm okay." He spoke, his own smile on his face.

Tara studied him, then nodded, she believed him. "It's good to hear that, Juice. Honestly, I was so worried." 

Juice nodded. "Yeah.. so was I. Thank you for fixing me up, again."

Tara stood and smiled, picking up her bag. "It's no problem, Juice. If you need anything else, just call me, okay? The guys won't have to know if you don't want them to." After saying that, she exited the room. 

Juice let out a sigh and looked over himself. For once, he was glad that Chibs found him on that night. So much had happened over the past week.. his head was clearer. Sure, the club still didn't know about Miles.. or Eli. But Miles was gone and Eli had backed off, it seemed like stuff was going his way for once. Like the God he was raised to believe in was finally answering a prayer.

* * *

Chibs entered his home with a sigh, looking around at the place he lived. It wasn't home, home was with the club. This was just a house he owned. He never really did decorate it, felt no need to as he spent most of his time either at the clubhouse or another members house. 

He put his keys down in a bowl on his coffee table, taking off his cut and laying it over the back of the couch. He slowly stripped as he made his way into the bathroom, leaving his boots, shirt, jeans and boxers on the floor in a trail.

He was naked as he stepped onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He looked in the rusty mirror that hung over the sink. The roots of his hair were starting to show hints of grey, his face seemed to be gaining more lines by the day, his scars were dropping; much like his eyes. He shook his head, he was never one to be worried about his appearance. Not since he was younger, in his twenties. 

He turned on the shower and stepped into the tub, groaning as the hot liquid hit his skin. He stood underneath the water for ten minutes, simply thinking, then he quickly washed himself so he could get out. He lazily toweled his body and hair, almost stumbling into his bedroom. He was suddenly aware of how tired he was, having not slept for more than few hours for almost a week. 

He didn't bother putting clothes on, just collapsed onto the covers and passed out.

* * *

Back at the club, Juice was walking out of the hallway and into the bar. Not ten minutes after Tara had left, he texted her; asking her to drop him off something. A pair of crutches. This was so much easier, he could actually walk on his own. He smiled at his brothers as he hobbled over. 

It was just like it normally was, guys talking to girls, guys impressing girls by playing pool, guys and girls drinking and having a good time. This was how it was supposed to be. 

Juice let out a sigh as he sat down at a table, leaning his crutches against a wall. It didn't take long for a girl to walk over. She looked young, healthy blonde hair reaching her waist, short shorts and crop top complementing her figure. She was.. beautiful. She tilted her head and looked down at Juice, looking him up and down. 

"You poor baby.. what happened?" She asked, eyelashes fluttering. 

Juice smiled at her and shook his head. "Oh, nothing. Just got into a fight with a few guys." 

She leaned down, so much so that Juice could see down her top. He didn't look, though, he was more respectful than the other guys. Besides, Juice didn't want any _company_. "Aw.. need some cheering up?" She asked, winking at him. 

He glanced around, seeing that a few of his brothers were watching. They caught him looking and gave him a thumbs up, a few mouthing stuff like 'go get it' or 'tap that'. Juice rolled his eyes at them and looked back to her, sitting up in his seat. "Not tonight, but thank you." He gave her another smile. "I appreciate it."

The girl nodded and stood up again, giving him a smile of her own and a flirtatious wave before walking away and to another one of the guys, Kozik.

Jax raised a brow and walked over to him, taking the seat next to him. "She not do it for you?" He asked, unsure why he would turn such a good looking girl away. 

"Nah.. never really liked that type of stuff." Juice admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, they like you. That injured leg of yours is a chick magnet." Jax stated, amused smile on his lips. "You want them to stop asking for shit, you're gonna have to prove to prove to all of them at once that you're not interested. Like.. kissing Tiggy." Jax suggested, laughing. 

Juice grimaced and looked over to Tig. He was trying to hit on the girl that was with Kozik. "I'd rather die." He chuckled, but it died down once he remembered it wasn't too long ago that he had almost died.

Jax faltered too, patting Juice's shoulder then grabbing the boys head and kissing the top of it. "Well, that's not gonna happen. You must be stupid if you think we're gonna lose you, Juice."

Juice smiled at his brother and nodded. "Never again, brother." 

Jax nodded and stood. "Good." He gave another smile, then headed back over to the bar. 

* * *

Chibs didn't return to the club that night. Juice had asked where he went, Tig told him he went home to rest. Juice felt guilty for keeping the man up this long. But no matter how much Juice had insisted Chibs go, he never listened. So he was glad he was actually taking care of himself. The only problem was, with Chibs one, Juice realized how much he missed him. He had been by his side for almost an entire week, then suddenly he wasn't anymore.

It was early morning, around two am. Most people had gone home, having their own family to take care of. The only people left were people he didn't know, and Chuckie.

Chuckie, that guy worked so hard. The club didn't nearly appreciate him as much as they should do. Juice looked over to him, seeing him still behind the bar. He caught his attention and raised his glass to him, Chuckie smiled and copied his action. They drank together. Juice coughed as the liquid burned his throat, placing the glass down on the table. He let out a yawn, getting tired. 

Juice sat up in his chair and shuffled to the edge of it. He grabbed his crutches and placed them on the floor in front of him, slowly lifting himself up onto his good leg. He limped through the small crowd, passing by the bar. He gave a wave to Chuckie, stopping momentarily by it. 

"You closing up?"

Chuckie nodded. "Yeah, in about an hour. You going to sleep?"

Juice nodded this time. "Mhm, make sure to lock everything up." 

"Always."

Juice smiled at that, giving one last nod before continuing his journey to the dorm. He opened the door and walked inside, closing it after him. He looked around the room that has been his temporary home and let out a sigh. He glanced to the bathroom then at the bed. He hadn't actually bathed himself for a while either. Aside from the cloth baths that he had given himself. He figured he may as well try. 

He walked himself into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, putting his crutches down again. Tara had given him a few weird plastic bags to put over his leg if he did bathe, so he put one on over his bandages and leaned over to fill the bath with water. 

He easily stripped, leaving his clothes in a pile by the sink, then he carefully and slowly maneuvered himself down into the tub. He let out a content sigh as he lay in the warm water. He kept his leg elevated and out of the water, even if Tara had said it was okay to get it wet. He simply lay in the water for a few minutes, eyes closed and small smile resting comfortably on his lips. 

He didn't wash his hair, just wet it. It would take too much effort and right now he was tired. He drained the bath after half an hour, standing in the bath. He gripped the sink with both hands, using that to help himself get up. He sat on the edge of the bath as he dried himself, then he put on the same pair of boxers because  _fuck it_  he didn't care at this moment. He picked up his crutches and limped out of the bathroom, heading over to the bed now.

He sad down of the side of it, leaning his crutches against the wall once more, then lifted the covers and got inside. 

He hoped that being this relaxed would help him  _not_  have any nightmares. 

As he was falling asleep, he imagined Chibs. He imagined laying with him, Chibs arms holding him, like they had gotten used to doing. He could almost feel the warmth that hid body gave off, could almost hear his voice, telling him nothing would happen while he slept and that he would be safe. 

He went to sleep with a smile on his face. 


	10. I DON'T MIND

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's Sons of Anarchy without a bit of Teller family drama? Chibs and Juice get ...closer.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Jax entered the clubhouse in the early morning, Abel on his hip. Tig cheered from his spot at the bar, holding his hands out to him. 

"Aaah, who's this little man?" He snatched Abel from Jax, not missing the troubled look on his face. Tig sat Abel down on his lap. "You okay. brother?"

Jax shook his head, face contorted into a mess of pain and disbelief. 

Tig nodded and stood up from his stool. "Okay, Abel, let's go see uncle Juicy while your Daddy and I talk. I'm sure he could do with some company." He lifted the toddler, who giggled happily. Tig carried him down the hall and into the dorm room, snorting as he found Juice laying face down on the bed, body half in the covers. Tig placed the boy on Juice's back. "Go wake him up, but be careful of his leg, okay? He has an ouchie."

Juice stirred awake from the talking, furrowing his brows at the weight on his back. "Wha.." He opened his eyes and glanced behind him, seeing Tig retreating out the door and Abel's happy smile. Juice couldn't help but smile in return, rolling over onto his side and pulling Abel to lay next to him. "Hey, bud. You okay?" 

Abel nodded and reached over to pull Juice's hair, he hadn't gotten it shaved in almost two weeks so it was growing back. "You look stupid."

Juice let out a laugh and ruffled the boys hair. "Shut up. No I don't!"

* * *

Tig closed the door to the dorm, walking back out to the bar. He found Jax already sat and drinking, so he slid and sat next to him. "Okay.. what happened?" 

Jax let out a breath, it was clear he was forcing himself not to cry. "Tara, she-" He cut himself off with a pained laugh. "She left me, packed her shit and left a note. Left me, left her  _kids_."

Tig rose a brow and put his arm around his brother. "Shit.. you want up to go after her?"

Jax shook his head at that. "No. We.. spoke about something like this, when she got back from the Mayans. She said that if one day she decides she doesn't want this life, I had to promise not to stop her." Jax explained

Tig nodded and leaned over, kissing the side of his head. "You want me to give you a blowy? Cheer you up?"

Jax scoffed and shoved Tig away, shaking his head. "Fuck you."

"Hey, if it's what my Prez wants," Tig motioned to his body with a wink. 

"No, no." Jax huffed, but a small smile formed on his lips. "You're crazy. Can you just, keep and eye on Thomas? Prospect is with him outside. First day of club business, I need to know they're safe so I won't be distracted."

Tig nodded, about to say something, but he was cut off by a high-pitched squeal. Abel came running down the hallway, followed by Juice who was moving pretty fast, considering he was using crutches. He was half-naked, speaking in a high voice. "I'm coming to get you!" 

Tig watched them with a smile, then turned to Jax. "We got your kids, brother. All three of them." He joked, patting Juice on his shoulder. 

Jax nodded and picked Abel up when he ran toward him. "Hey, you and Tommy are gonna hang out here for a bit, okay? Daddy's gotta go work. Uncle Tig and Uncle Juice are gonna take care of you." He kissed his sons head, smiling when he nodded, then he put him on the floor. 

Jax glanced around the clubhouse, nodded, then walked out.

* * *

Happy pulled up just as Jax was hopping on his bike. He stood off it and walked over, pulling him into a hug. 

"You good, brother?" Jax asked.

Happy nodded. "Yeah, Mom's doing good, got her a new cat." Jax rose a brow but Happy continued. "Where you heading?"

Jax let out a sigh. "Business, brother. Cut ties with Mayans and Niners, got a call from Grim Bastards, said they had an offer we can't refuse." 

"Intriguing."

"Yeah."

"You need me to come along?" Hap' asked, fully prepared to do so. 

Jax shook his head and put his helmet on. "No, it's just a meeting with the President, shouldn't be anything I can't handle."

"And if it is?"

Jax put a hand on his gun. "I got it sorted. Go inside, help take care of the kids."

Happy furrowed his brows. "Kids?"

"Abel and Thomas, Tig and Juice are looking after 'em. Tara split last night, said she couldn't live this life anymore." Jax let out a sigh, frowning. 

"That sucks. Of course, brother, we won't let anything happen to them." Happy and Jax nodded at each other, Hap' watched as Jax walked away. 

Happy turned and headed into the clubhouse, opening his arms wide once he step foot inside.

"HAPPY!" Tig was the first over, walking up to his brother and hugging him tightly, patting him on the back a few times. Abel soon joined him, stumbling over and holding his arms up to him.

Happy smiled and leaned down, picking the little boy up and holding him on his side. "You get bigger every time I see you." 

"Hey," Juice was next, using his crutches to walk over. Happy gave him a one-sided hug. 

Happy looked him up and down, noticing his healing wounds. "You look good. Need a haircut, though."

"He looks stupid." Abel piped up, laughing and pointing at Juice.

Tig laughed loudly from behind them, his hands on his knees. "Kid won't stop saying that, it's hilarious."

* * *

Jax pulled up to the scheduled meeting point, parking his bike outside the diner. He walked inside, Reaper worn proudly, and headed over to where T.O was sat in a booth.  T.O stood to greet him, they shook hands and gave each other a brotherly hug. A show that they were on good terms. They sat down on either side of the booth, Jax placed his arms on the table. 

"Your call seemed interesting, I don't want to be disappointed." Jax spoke, playful smirk on his face.

T.O nodded, his own smile on his lips. "We heard you were getting out of drugs. That true?"

Jax nodded. "Cartel disappeared, Mayans and Niners cut ties."

"And guns?"

Another nod. "We're going clean. No drugs, no guns, seems impossible but.. we're gonna make do."

T.O shifted in his seat, sitting up straight and leaning over, speaking in a hushed voice. "We recently started up a new line of work, linked with a clean guy, Nero. He wants to expand his business, was wondering if you might be interested." 

Jax hummed, glancing around then nodding. "Grim Bastards.. Sons of Anarchy and.. Nero?" Jax laughed quietly. "Alright, let's hear it."

T.O reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen, grabbing a napkin that was on the other end of the table. He wrote down a number and address. He clicked his pen once he was finished, putting the pen back in his pocket then sliding the napkin over. "Go check it out yourself, see what you think of it first hand, then give me a call and we can talk."

Jax rose a brow, looking from T.O to the napkin. He nodded silently and folded the napkin, putting it in his pocket. "Alright," Jax stood up and shook T.O's hand again. "I'll stop by later, bring a couple prospects."

T.O chuckled and smirked knowingly. "Oh I'm sure they'll love it. Just make sure to bring a lot of cash." 

Jax nodded, slightly confused, and he left the diner. 

* * *

Chibs wakes up with his body feeling heavy. He opens his eyes and breathes in the dusty air that inhabited his house. He groaned as he sat up, groggily wiping his face with his hands. He moved slow, getting a new pair of jeans and shirt out from his drawers. He pulled his clothes on lazily, grumbling once more as he stumbled out of his bedroom.

He yawned, reaching for his coffee machine and brewing a fresh pot. His tired eyes looked around and landed on a clock. He had to squint to actually see what time it was, his eyes opening wide once he read it. 

"Fuck," He commented, amused at the fact he had slept until two in the afternoon. Just as he was about to pour himself a cup of coffee, there was a knock at his door. "Typical." He grumbled and walked over to his door. He pulled the door open, with an annoyed look. "What?"

One of the prospects, Ratboy, was stood on his doorstep, looking up at him. "Uh, I was sent to check on you."

Chibs rose a brow. "Alright, lad, you checked on me. You can go now." 

"Aren't you coming back to the club?"

Chibs sighed and walked away from the door, to pour himself a coffee. "Aye, later. I just woke up, let me get my head together first." He moaned as he sipped his coffee, the warmth welcomed. He noticed Ratboy was still on his doorstep, so he walked back over. "What?"

"Juice wa-"

"Juice? Is he okay?" Chibs suddenly remembered he had left Juice alone last night. He hadn't meant to sleep as long as he did, he hoped he would've been back for when the kid was going to sleep last night. 

"Yes, but-"

"But what?" 

"He told me to bring you back to the clubhouse cause he needs a bit of help."

Chibs nodded and downed the rest of his coffee, ignoring how it scalded his throat. He had the rest of his clothes on in less than a minute, walking out the door to his bike. He hopped on and immediately took off, the prospect following him. 

It didn't take long for Chibs to get to the club, park his bike, and walk into the club. He was shocked at the sight, toys scattered across the bar, the only people inside were members and family. 

He looked around, his eyebrows raised in amusement as he saw Juice, laying in a booth with Abel napping on his chest. Is that what he needed help with? Chibs walked over, noticing the way Juice smiled as soon as he saw him. It made his stomach flip once more. 

"Chibby-" Juice carefully sat, arms wrapped around Abel's body as he held him against his chest. "Sleep well?" 

Chibs only nodded, voice having had abandoned him. He cracked his own smile, liking the way Juice looked holding a child.

"You look it, nice hair." Juice smirked and Chibs shook his head, running a hand through his hair to try fix whatever was wrong with it. 

Chibs licked his lips and cleared his throat. "You, uh, you sleep well?" 

Juice nodded. "Surprisingly, though it did take me longer to fall asleep without you, I've gotten used to you being there." He laughed at how pathetic it sounded, shaking his head. "Glad you could get away from me for a while, I'm sure I'm a pain to be around 24/7. I'm surprised Chuckie is surviving it." He joked. 

Chibs chuckled along with him, finally looking to his brothers. He had completely ignored them when he walked in, instead going to Juice. He looked back at the young boy. "I'm gonna say hello, I'll be back with some drinks." He gave a smile then stood, stepping over the multiple kid toys scattered around and walking up to the bar. "Boys."

Happy turned around and grinned, putting his arm around Chibs' shoulders. "Nice to see you old man." 

"You too, psycho." Chibs fired back, eyes narrowing playfully. 

Tig walked over to the two, kissing each of their heads before grabbing a beer from Chuckie. "You hear the news?" 

Chibs furrowed his brows and shook his head. "Nah, what news?"

"Tara bolted, left Jax with the kids and a runaway note." Tig explained, sipping his beer. "Jax's gone out to some place T.O told him to, brought V-Lin and Phil with him."

"Christ." Chibs sighed and grabbed two beers, one for himself and one for Juice. "T.O as in Bastards? We gettin' with them?" He asked.

Tig shrugged, looking over to Happy who also shrugged. "Maybe, depends what deal they're offering."

Chibs nodded at that. "Well, I better get back to the two babies napping in the booth." He looked over to Abel and Juice, hearing a chuckle from behind him.

"Kids been attached to Abel ever since I dropped him on his back this morning. Think he replaced you, Chibby." Tig smirked and winked at him.

Chibs scoffed and walked away. "Nobody can replace me, c'mon." 

* * *

Jax parked outside the address T.O told him to check out. Filthy Phil and V-Lin parking either side of him. Jax unclipped his helmet and rose his brows, looking up at the building. 

"Diosa Norte?" He read aloud. 

The double doors opened and a man walked out, followed by a woman who waved and winked at him. She turned her attention to the bikers dismounting their harleys. She walked on over, holding his hand out to Jax. "Jax Teller, we've been expecting you. You here for the grand tour?"

Jax rose a brow, looking behind to his prospects before taking the woman's hand. "Yeah, guess I am."

The woman smiled and winked at the prospects, motioning for them to follow as she lead Jax inside the building. 

The first thing that caught his attention was the decorations. Sensual women painted in various scenarios, each of them meant to attract. It was clear what this place was, the way women flirted with men, then took them by the hand and lead them somewhere unknown. Jax let out a breath as he looked around, mentally thanking T.O. It was so classy, the decor and the women. They didn't wear any skimpy clothing, they didn't wear a hesitant look of their face as they approached their clients. It was well and truly.. clean. Just like T.O said. The women looked to actually be  _enjoying_  what they were doing. The lady who held his hand brought him over to the desk, where a man was stood behind on the phone. She placed a kiss on Jax's cheek, letting go of his hand and waving as he walked away. 

His prospects had both been dragged off, each of them sat down talking to a girl. So Jax was left alone with this man. He put down the phone and then faced Jax, smile appearing on his face as he held his hand out. "Jackson, my names Nero. T.O said you would stop by." 

Jax shook his hand, nodding. "Yeah, gotta say.. I was not expecting something like this when T.O said he had an offer for me. I am pleasantly surprised."

"Good." Nero chuckled, stepping out from behind the desk. "That's the point."

Jax chuckled along with him, following Nero to a table and sitting down with him. "So, tell me about the business."

"This is an Escort service, totally clean, totally legal. Guys come here to relax, to be with a woman. Either to talk or some other stuff, we got rules. If someone steps outta line, they're out. The ladies don't gotta do anything they don't want to. Like I said, totally legit."

Jax nodded along as he spoke, taking another look around at the place. It had a nice atmosphere, Jax could see how this would be good for the Sons. "And numbers? What about that?" 

"Got a deal with the Bastards, they get 10% of Diosa's earnings so long as they bring new customers and spread the word. I can offer the same to you." Nero explained, eyebrows raising in question.

Jax thought over the deal, leaning back in his chair. They were losing money already since they stopped with the guns and drugs. Diosa could get them something. "I might need a little more than 10%, just for the first month. Clubs in a bit of financial trouble since going clean." 

"The most I can do is 15%, but  _only_  for that month, then its 10%. Business is expanding, I need the money myself to get new spots so it's not just this."   
"I understand." Jax hummed. "I'm gonna have to take this to the club, make sure they're all on board. But I like the sound of this, you might just have yourself a new business partner." Jax smiled and stood.

Nero smiled back and stepped over to him, pulling Jax into a hug and patting his back. "That's good to hear. You gonna round up your pups?" Nero chuckled, looking over to there Phil and V-lin were getting handsy with the staff. 

Jax shook his head in amusement and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, yeah. You got a number I can call you on when I know if the vote passes?" 

"Yeah, here you are, 'mano." Nero walked over to the desk and plucked one of his business cards from the stand, handing it over to Jax. "Let me know."

"I will." Jax nodded as he walked away from Nero, getting his prospects, then exiting Diosa.

* * *

Chibs walked outside of the clubhouse, sitting down on one of the picnic benches. He pulled out a pack of cigs and a lighter from his jacket. He pulled out one cigarette and lit it, putting the poison to his lips and inhaling deeply. Just as he put his packet back into his pocket, the club doors opened and Juice poked his head out. Chibs cursed under his breath and stood, holding the door open for him Juice hobbled out. 

Juice smiled at him. "Thanks." He moved over to the bench and took his crutches off, laying them on the table. Chibs was by his side in a second, holding the boys arms and helping him sit down. "Again.. thanks."

Chibs nodded and cracked a smile. "Aye, no problem." He took the cigarette from where it rested in his lips and offered it to Juice, who shook his head. "Suit yourself."

Juice looked at the older man intently. His eyes raked him up and down slowly, taking view of every little detail. Juice was so appreciative for his brother, for everything Chibs had done for him. He felt like he didn't deserve it, that damned voice in his head kept whispering nonsense, pointing out that he wasn't worthy of this. The Puerto Rican let out a heavy breath and looked away, hopefully he was quick enough that Chibs didn't notice he was staring. Juice ran a hand over his head, frown on his face as he let his mind wonder. 

Of course, Chibs seemed to have noticed _something_ , because he lightly nudged the boys shoulder to make him look at him. "You alright?" The Scot asked, concern clear in his voice. He always felt concern for Juice nowadays. 

Juice nodded and sat up. "Yeah, just.. thinking." 

"About?" He rose a brow. 

Juice shrugged now, averting his gaze. "Everything.. what's happened over the last two weeks."

Now it was Chibs turn to nod, grunting quietly as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "Lotta stuff. But it's better now, alright?"

Juice's frown deepened at his words, not believing them. "Is it?"

"'Course it is, lad." Chibs put his arm around Juice's back. "Sure, shit happened. But thats all in the past and we can't do anything to change it. But look, look how far we've progressed in this short time. I hate to say it, Juicy, but if it hadn't been for you.. you know.. we'd all be in deep shit." Juice was surprised at his words, furrowing his brows in confusion. "I still hate you for trying to leave us, but stuff happens for a reason." Chibs' hand rested over the back of Juice's neck and he gave it a light squeeze. "Just don't do anything like that again, boy. Alright? The club, your brothers, we couldn't handle it."

"I said I wouldn't." Juice pointed out.

"I know, and I believe you. But.. don't, okay? I just want to make sure you remember." The way Chibs was looking at Juice hurt. His eyes were full of nerves and sadness. The way everything about him seemed to droop to resemble it.. Juice swallowed hard and nodded. Chibs seemed alright with that, and he pulled Juice to him, resting their foreheads together. Their eyes were locked for a few seconds, but then Juice closed his and Chibs soon followed.

Juice's chest felt tight as he drew in a shaky breath, automatically reaching to grab Chibs' hand. It was weird at first, and his eyes opened so he could see how Chibs reacted. He felt Chibs grab his hand right back, even squeezing it gently. It made Juice smile, it made his chest feel lighter even if his heart sped up to the point he was scared the man could hear it. He was a little more than surprised when Chibs opened his eyes and he saw something in them he hadn't before. It was only there for a second, being replaced by a look of confusion. Whatever it was, it was  _deep_. 

Juice felt like he couldn't move from this position, staring and being close to this man who had taken care of him for years. Who had lied to the club to keep him safe. Who had found him swinging from a branch. Who had  _cried_  with him as they held each other- as he held Juice's broken body only a week ago. Something was happening, changing. He was finding it harder every day to think of Chibs as his brother, when it felt like he was  _more_. He didn't know what, he wasn't sure if he  _wanted_  to know what.

All he knew is that Chibs was his savior and without him, he would be dead. He owed Chibs his  _life_. 

When someone literally pulls you back from the brink of death, you start to look at them differently. 

The pair heard a cough and they looked up to see Gemma walking over, perfectly plucked eyebrow raised in question. Chibs let go of Juice's hand in a second, blinking as he sat up and even shuffled away from him. He had been so distracted that he didn't realise they were practically pressed together. He glanced over to the boy and he didn't miss the look of hurt on his face. Chibs cleared his throat and patted him on his shoulder, the look in his eyes telling him all he needed to know.

Juice inhaled deeply and looked up to Gemma as she stood in front of them. "You boys alright?" 

It was then Chibs realised what they must have looked like. Like a pair of school boys about to  _kiss_. Chibs' eyes widened at the thought, his own mind telling him off for letting himself look like that with  _Juice_. He didn't want to kiss Juice, god no. Juice was a  _kid_ , a kid that Chibs was taking care of cause he had been beaten for the club. A kid who just needed a bit of closeness with someone, thats what had been happening. Juice wanted comfort, so Chibs gave him some. If anyone thought it was something else, to hell with them. Whatever made Juicy happy. 

"Yeah-" 

The squeaky voice brought Chibs back to reality, and he looked between Juice and Gemma. "What?"

Gemma rolled her eyes, suddenly uninterested. "Nevermind, my grandkids inside?" She asked, her face betraying her anger. It was then they he remembered what was going on in the world around him. That Tara had left Jax with his two kids, Jax- who was out doing club business. 

"Yeah." Juice answered again, furrowing his brows over at Chibs who looked distracted by something. Juice grabbed his crutches and put them on the ground, standing  slowly and adjusting the crutches so he could walk with them. "Abel's asleep in a booth with Happy, Opie stopped by and took Thomas to visit Piney in the cabin, said something about having some baby stuff there."

Gemma nodded at that and walked inside the clubhouse without saying another word. Juice glanced back to Chibs once more before doing the same. 

* * *

Jax was glad he had visited T.O, he really did feel like Diosa would be a good step for the club. Especially considering what had happened. He had a smile on his face as he pulled into Teller-Morrow, slowing his bike down until he came to a stop in a parking space, the two next to him being taken by the prospects. Jax looked up and could see

Chibs sat outside having a smoke. Jax nodded to him as he got of his bike and headed over.

"You good, brother?" Chibs asked as he approached.

Jax patted him on the shoulder. "Yeah, do me a favor and call the rest of the guys for Church? We need to take a vote on something."

Chibs nodded and stood, throwing his cigarette onto the ground then stamping it out. "'Course, 20 mins."

Jax smiled and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you brother." He pulled away after that, watching as Chibs got out his phone; most likely to call Opie. Jax walked into the clubhouse with the prospects following him, the first thing he saw was his mom holding his sleeping son. Jax made his way over and kissed both of their heads. "You good with looking after him while the guys and I go to Church?" He asked, but he already knew the answer.

Gemma rolled her eyes and smiled at him. "You kidding? I could stay holding this little angel all night. Same with Thomas when he gets here, you're going to have to pry them from my hands."

Jax let out a quiet laugh at that, but there was a small frown on his lips. "Luckily for you, I'm gonna need all the help I can get." He sighed through his nose.

Gemma reached up and pet her sons head. "I will be here. Always." She walked away from her son, going to sit at the bar to have a chat with Chuckie.

Jax took that as his cue, gestured to his brothers, then headed into the Chapel. He walked around the wooden table with the reaper carved into it, taking his place at the head of the table, in the president's chair. He rested his hand over the gavel, this would be his first call as president. It didn't take long for the room to fill, Tig, Kozik and Happy on his right, Opie and Bobby on his left, Piney at the other end of the table. Two spaces left. Just as he thought that, the doors opened and Chibs walked in with his arm around Juice. He noted he wasn't using his crutches. Chibs sat next to Happy and Juice hopped around and sat down beside Bobby. 

Jax inhaled deeply through his nose, then picked up the gavel and hit the coaster, signifying Church was in session.

The president sat up straight as he looked at each of his brothers, resting his arms on the table before he spoke. "Today I met with T.O, president of Grim Bastards, he told me he had an offer I couldn't refuse. I went to check it out and," Jax shrugged. "It's good. Good money, business, and company." He chuckled to himself at that last part. "There's a legal Escort Agency in Oakland, 'Diosa Norte', any of you heard of it?" 

Unsurprisingly, Tig rose his hand. "Stopped by once on a run. Good service, if you know what I mean." Tig laughed, glaring as Kozik elbowed him.

Jax nodded. "Right.. well, Bastards have a deal with the owner, Nero, they get 10% of all earnings just as long as they bring him new customers. He's looking to set up shop in Lodi." He waited a half a minute, letting his brothers process the information before he continued. "Offered the same deal to us. If we can bring him customers, he might open another service here in Charming. It's totally clean, got permits and everything. Even saw a few law enforcement enjoying a little down time."

There were a few hums of acknowledgement. "Do we get the girls free?" Surprisingly, this time, it was Piney who spoke. It earned a laugh from a few of the guys. 

"Easy there, old-timer." Chibs teased, patting his shoulder. 

Jax shook his head in amusement. "No, these girls are classy and Nero made it clear you gotta pay what their company is worth." There were grumbles now, and a sigh of frustration. 

"You sure it's good money?" Bobby piped up, as expected because he is in charge of their funds.

Jax nodded. "The girls are good, and there's a lot of them. Nero said he'd let us have 15% for the first month if we agree." A few more murmurs, then Jax cleared his throat. "Lets call a vote. All in favor of the Sons going into the Escort business, say 'yea'."

"Yea." Opie started it off. 

A chorus of 'Yea' sounded after, ending with Jax. "Yea." He banged the gavel on the coaster once more. "Sons of Anarchy are officially in the Escort business." Jax smirked at his brothers, who clapped and wolf whistled. He watched as his brothers got up and left, stopping Bobby as he was about to. "One more thing." 

Bobby nodded and closed the doors so they were alone. He motioned for Jax to speak.

"Where are we at with the prospects?" Jax crossed his arms over his chest.

Bobby took out a small pad from his pocket and put his glasses on, flipping through it a few times before he found what he was looking for. "Phils done a full term, Lin almost. Rat still got a while. You thinkin' of patching someone?"

Jax shrugged. "I think we should patch Phil. Not sure about V-Lin, might have to let him go when his term is over."

Bobby nodded at that. "Should'a asked the club about it a few minutes ago." He pointed out.

Jax let out a laugh and uncrossed his arms. "Not just yet, lets get settled with Diosa first, then we take a vote to patch him."

Bobby nodded once more and the two walked out of the Chapel

* * *

Abel was running around again, dragging a stuffed snake behind him on the floor while giggling. Happy was chasing him, bent over with his arms out as he 'ran' behind him.

The sight was adorable, Gemma was filming it.

"How can such a violent man be so good with kids?" She asked, not speaking to anyone in particular.

"We're all violent men, Gem, and most of us have kids." Tig replied, leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand. "In fact, the only people without kids are Juice, Hap' and Kozik."

Kozik shook his head and nudged Tigs' shoulder. "I got a daughter. Kendra. Barely see her." 

"No shit, Kozik's a daddy." Tig laughed and turned to face the man. 

Kozik rolled his eyes. "Yeah, a better one than you."

Tigs' smile disappeared and he took a step into Koziks' personal space. "What did yo-"

"Break it off, boys." Chibs grunted and slid into the space between them. 

Tig narrowed his eyes at Kozik but backed off, going back to sipping his drink.

"Hey, Jax?" Juice piped up when Bobby and Jax walked out of the Chapel. He shuffled off the table he was sat on and hopped over. He ended up stepping on a toy with his good foot and fell forward, his arms reaching out to grab onto something. 

"Shit!" A few of the guys cursed and rushed to help Juice. Opie was the closest, he managed to grab Juice by the waist and pull him up, miraculously not bumping his broken leg into something. 

"Oh fuck!" Juice let out a breath, his eyes wide in a panic as he panted softly.

He was about to thank Opie but was interrupted before he could start speaking. "Ye stupid boy! Where are yer crutches?! Ye know not to try walk on yer own!" Chibs' accent was always more prominent when he was mad. He had to refrain himself from slapping the boy on the back of the head, settling for cupping his face and shaking his head.

Jax put a hand on his brothers shoulder, making Chibs look over. "Calm down." He didn't need to be told twice, he let go of Juice, just as Opie helped him stand on his own. but that didn't stop the man from going and grabbing Juice's arm and putting it around his shoulder. Jax seemed to be okay with that, he turned to the younger man. "What did you want to say?"

Juice was now flustered, his head a light pink all the way to his tattoos. He rubbed the back of his head and licked his lips before speaking. "Uh.. was gonna ask if you needed someone to take care of your boys tonight- didn't know if you had more club stuff to do." His voice was quiet, now that everyone's eyes were on him. It was clear he didn't exactly like the attention, but he still managed a smile. 

Jax rose a brow, clearly not expecting something like that. He glanced over to Gemma, who nodded at him. Jax had assumed Gemma would take care of his kids for the night, but it seems she didn't mind, so he turned to Juice again. "You want to?" Juice nodded silently. "I can put Thomas' stuff in the dorm." He then looked over to Chibs. "You staying with him again?"

Juice smiled bright, he enjoyed taking care of Abel, and Thomas too. Even if he rarely did. He looked to Chibs, awaiting his answer. The man hadn't slept in the dorm last night.

"Yeah." Chibs nodded, though he had a small frown on his lips when he replied. 

Jax nodded back. "You need me to bring another bed in there? You've been staying with him a lot." He rose a brow curiously.

The brothers assumed Chibs had been sleeping in the chair next to the bed, rather than beside Juice on the bed. Juice was like a child, when hurt or upset, he needed physical contact, physical comfort. Chibs knew this, Gemma knew this, it didn't seem like anyone else did. Maybe it was for the best, if they found out they were sleeping in the same bed, they'd be taunted endlessly with suggestive jokes and comments. "No, it's fine. Don't sleep much anyway." 

Another nod, and Jax walked away, pulling out his phone and the business card Nero had given him, dialling the number, the rest of the Sons all parted to do their own thing. 

"Nero, it's Jax. Club voted, we're in business." 

He heard a chuckle from the line.  _"That's great, 'mano. You should swing by tomorrow, take a proper look at the place. Maybe even sample the goods."_  
Jax laughed and ran a hand over his hair. "The boys  _could_  do with a little relaxation."

* * *

"You're gonna have a sleepover with uncle Juicy. You okay with that?" Jax crouched in front of his oldest son, looking over as Happy put the last of his boys things in the dorm. 

Abel nodded his head and smiled big. "He's comfy."

Jax chuckled at that, kissing his forehead before standing. "Alright, they're all yours. Call me or Gemma if you need anything." He aimed that at Juice, then looked to Chibs. "Take care of them." Jax was talking about his sons and Juice. Chibs knew that. 

"'Coure, brother. They're safe with us." 

The President placed a kiss on Thomas' head then followed Happy out the room, shutting the door behind them. Once he couldn't see his father anymore, Abel ran over to Juice and grabbed onto his good leg. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" He looked up at the Puerto Rican with big blue eyes. 

Juice could only smile, nodding as he sat down onto the bed so he could lift Abel up onto his lap. "Sure, buddy. We got a half hour til your bedtime, okay?" Juice handed the boy his phone, pulling up a game he had downloaded for him. Abel nodded and got comfy in Juice's lap, tapping away on the screen. Juice looked over to Chibs, he was hovering over Thomas' crib with a frown. "You okay, brother?"

Chibs didn't respond for a minute, his hands tightening around the edges of the crib. He let out a deep sigh and nodded, slowly turning away from the baby to look at Juice, his heart leaping at the sight of the boy with a child. He cleared his throat and wet his bottom lip before speaking. "Yeah, yeah." His tone told Juice to leave it, so he did. "Why'd you wanna take care of 'em?" Chibs asked, partly to change to subject but also because be was curious. He walked over and sat beside Juice on the bed. 

Juice smiled at him shyly and shrugged his shoulders a little. "I feel useless, cooped up in here with a broken leg. There's not much I can do, so whatever I can do, I'm gonna do it."

Chibs understood that, had been in a similar situation multiple times. Recovering takes too long and it drives people crazy. You gotta do stuff to get your mind off of it. "Well, you got another two weeks of  _important_  healing to do, then you can start moving around a bit. 'Shame you couldn't get a cast, would've already healed more than this." Chibs frown returned. 

Juice groaned quietly, shaking his head. "The hell am I supposed to do for two weeks? I miss my bike, I miss the  _road_." 

"You ain't gonna be riding again for a long while, lad." Chibs laughed as he spoke. "Maybe on the back of someone else's bike, yeah, but not riding your own." Juice frowned now, and Chibs stopped laughing because of it. "Sorry." 

Juice gave him a pointed look. "Don't apologise, brother. It just.. I don't know. Sucks." He sighed and glanced at the clock, then patted Abel's leg. "C'mon, lets get you ready for bed." 

The room was silent after that, save for Thomas' gurgles. Chibs stood up from the bed and walked over to the chair where the boys' overnight bags were, he opened one and took out a pair of dinosaur pyjamas then walked back. It was clear that Abel was tired, he was very floppy and Juice had to lean him against his chest as he changed him from everyday clothes into the pyjamas. Chibs helped him, of course. It took around five minutes and then Abel was ready for bed. Juice lay him on the bed, resting his head on the pillow and pulling the covers up to cover his body. He looked even smaller in the big bed. Juice smiled and stroked his blond hair gently for a minute, then he turned and stood slowly, hand on the wall to help himself balance, he saw that Chibs was back at Thomas' crib, making sure the boy was comfortable with the stuffed animals around him and also that he was tucked in safe. Once he was satisfied, he turned to catch Juice watching him, he smiled at him and turned away from the crib, but also away from Juice. 

Chibs took off his cut and draped it over the chest of drawers, unbuttoning his shirt and doing the same with that. He could still feel Juice staring at him, but he wouldn't turn around. He let out a silent breath as he opened the draw and took out a white wife beater, lifting it over his head and putting it on. He heard a soft grunt then a curse and he furrowed his brows, looking over his shoulder to see Juice stuck in his shirt. Chibs' brows' rose in surprise and he turned his body to face him, walking over and reaching out to help him.

Juice let out a pathetic-sounding chuckle, letting Chibs help him take the shirt off. "Sorry- don't know how that happened." He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, averting his gaze to look at something unimportant in the room. 

Chibs shook his head, about to speak but then deciding not to. He was glad the boy was looking away, because he couldn't help his eyes wandering down to Juice's chest. He had a few barely visible bruises around his ribs and abdomen, a few new scars that hadn't been there before- courtesy of the Mayans, and he had lost a bit of muscle from not being able to work out for a few weeks. He looked good. The Scot cleared his throat again and looked away, taking a step back and putting Juice's shirt on the chair. He furrowed his brows in thought and shook his head, frustrated and confused. 

Juice let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, chest moving up and down heavily a few times before it returned to normal. He quickly finished changing, shimming out of his shorts and pulling on a pair of loose grey sweatpants. When he looked over to Chibs again, he was slightly shocked to see he had done the same, wearing his own darker pair of sweatpants.

He smiled at him, then turned and lifted the bed covers. He sat on the bed first, carefully moving his leg and getting it comfortable, then he lifted the sleeping Abel up and lay down where he had been. Chibs walked around the bed and got in beside him, knowing already what Juice wanted to do. He lay on his back with his arm spread across the other side of the bed. Juice rested his head on his arm, slotting in beside Chibs then laying Abel on his own chest. Chibs shuffled a bit, his arm draping around Juice's shoulders and his hand resting on Abel's back. It was comfortable, being this close. Juice had had trouble sleeping the first few nights after coming back from the Mayans, having endless nightmares of both his kidnapping and attempted suicide. They were slowly getting better, and he rarely had them when he slept with someone next to him. It really didn't matter  _who_  it was who was holding him, but it made it even better knowing it was Chibs. He could trust him with his life. 

The men sighed, out of content and exhaustion. It wouldn't take them long to fall asleep, they both knew this. 


	11. THE DRUG IN ME IS YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys have fun at Diosa. Chibs and Juice's relationship takes a new step, but all is not well.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

Nero put his thumb and forefinger to his lips and whistled, gaining the attention of the women in the room. He smiled from where he stood, having a clear view of everyone.

"You ladies got a lotta work today, our new business partners, the Sons of Anarchy, are coming over to check the place out. I expect you girls to help them  _relax_." Nero chuckled along with the girls. "But don't worry, you will be getting paid full price, what happened last time will  _not_  happen again, I promise. Make me proud." The owner blew a kiss and winked at his employees. Today was a special occasion, but all the rules stayed the same. If one of his girls decided they didn't want to work for a Son, they were free not to. 

The bell rang as the doors opened, and Nero heard the click clack of heels heading toward him. He turned to greet whoever it was, a wide smile breaking out onto his face as he was immediately brought into a hug. Nero let a small laugh rumble in his throat as he hugged the woman back, pulling back so he could see her face. "Hello Angel." Her southern voice was a warm welcome to him.

"Venus, how I missed your presence." It was true. "You working today?" He asked, his smile only widening as they stood to the side to talk.

Venus nodded and glanced around the room, watching as the other girls got themselves ready. "Well I could  _not_  pass up an opportunity like this. Another group of burly bikers?

A woman had fantasies, you know." She teased, her smile seemingly lightening the room.

Nero chuckled again and finally released her from the hug entirely. "Need me to set you up with someone?"

Venus gave him a look, one that made him stop speaking. "I let the men come to me."

The doors opened again, and the members of SAMCRO filed in, each of them looking around at the building and the girls on offer.

"I suggest you take a seat, make yourself pretty for them." Nero nodded toward the group and Venus gracefully turned. 

Her eyes scanned them, looking at each man individually and humming in approval. "I better powder my nose. I'll see you later, Angel." She turned back to her friend and

pressed a kiss to his cheek before wandering off to the dressing rooms just as Jax approached him.

"Nice to see you again." The President smirked and shook the older man's hand. 

"You too. Your boys better treat my girls like  _Diosas_ '." He chuckled. 

Jax returned it with a soft laugh. "They will, I told them to." 

Nero nodded at that, then they both watched at girls slowly approached and plucked the Sons off one by one. Everyone was there, including Juice who was in a wheelchair, and Piney who was lugging around his oxygen tank. 

Opie had decided to sit down with a few of the girls, simply speaking to them while they each sipped a drink. He was asking about their work, if they were happy and how good the money is. Jax guessed he would try to convince Lyla to switch to being an Escort rather than a Pornstar. Bobby was being led off into a back room by a beautiful dark-skinned woman, who kept teasing him along the way. Happy was in a similar situation, following two girls to a room. Piney was sat down on one of the cushioned couches, laughing with a few girls that sat around him. Kozik and Tig were walking over to the bar, Jax decided to join them. The prospects were only allowed to watch the other boys interact, a sort of test. And finally, Chibs and Juice were sat down around the same table, speaking to two other women.

Nero was pleased, knowing that the Sons would without a doubt enjoy his girls. 

Tig sat down just as Venus walked out into the main room. He stilled, eyebrows raising in silent awe as he watched her saunter over. She caught the man staring, and she graced him with a smile, her eyes sparkling as she winked then continued past him. Of course, he turned to watch her once more, his eyes drifting down her body then up again until she stopped and sat on a wide couch.

Kozik whistled by him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You into that?" He asked with a raised brow, glancing behind him as Jax ordered the three a drink each.

Tig shrugged Kozik's hand off and turned to him, eyes narrowing in a glare. "Shut up." He spared one more look at the woman before he faced the bar again.

* * *

Juice cleared his throat and smiled at the three people around the table, putting his hands on the wheels of his chair and pushing himself back slightly. "I just gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be back." 

The brunette, Alyssa was her name, smiled at him and blew a kiss. "I'll miss you."

"You need any help, Juicy boy?" Chibs looked away from the woman he was speaking to, Bianca, and toward Juice.

Juice shook his head and swirled in his chair. "No, brother. I'll be fine. Order me a drink?" He asked, wheeling himself away once the Scot nodded.

He didn't really need to use to bathroom, but he needed a break. Alyssa was lovely, kind, and very pretty. But Juice didn't have any desire to speak to her any more than necessary. In fact, the only reason he stayed at the table was to be next to Chibs. He liked the man's company, liking it more now that they've been spending almost every day together. He hated to admit this, because it was so immature of him, but he was jealous, seeing Chibs and Bianca flirt back and forth. Juice knew it was Bianca's job, but it wasn't Chibs to respond. Juice shook his head and wheeled himself to the sink. He was in the handicapped bathroom, so there was one at wheelchair height; with a small mirror above it. The Puerto Rican turned the cold water on and wet his hands before running them down his face. He looked at the mirror next, letting out a heavy breath and simply staring at himself as his mind wandered. He kept trying to figure out why he was so jealous of his brother flirting with an Escort, it wasn't as if he was jealous of the other SAMCRO guys doing the exact same. 

Juice and Chibs had been closer than ever recently, ever since Chibs saved him. But things were changing and it scared Juice simply because he didn't know  _what_  was changing. He had concluded a few days earlier that he was having trouble seeing Juice as a brother, but things seemed to have taken a step up from just thinking that. Now it was less internal. Juice thought over everything that had changed already, perhaps if he did then he could figure out where things were heading. Juice mostly slept with Chibs by him, more often than not with Chibs arm around him. Juice was finding himself smiling from just hearing the older mans' voice, even if it wasn't directed at him. And there had been a few moments when it seemed like the pair were going to... Juice shook his head before he could finish that thought. Things were weird between them, but not  _that_  weird. It couldn't ever be that weird. 

Juice let out another heavy breath then wiped his face and turned away from the sink. He just has to go back out there, keep pretending like everything is fine, then they can all go back to the clubhouse. He had a hard time opening the door and getting out of the room with his wheelchair but he eventually made it out. He stopped as he got into the main room, watching from afar as Chibs chatted and laughed with Alyssa and Bianca.

He felt a pang in his chest then Chibs hand landed on the girl's thigh, he felt himself curl his hands into fists when he leaned over and whispered something in her ear- something that made the girl smile brightly and 'aww'. He could barely stop himself from wheeling himself over there with an angry expression. It faded once he heard what Chibs was actually saying.

"-love spending time with the boy. More than he thinks- oh, Juicy, didn't see you there." The smile that Chibs had upon seeing him made his heart start to hammer.

"Yeah, uh," Juice didn't know how to reply. Chibs had been talking about him, telling the girls something that made them smile. He was curious and nervous, but it wasn't like he could ask what he was saying. So he just took his place at the table and gave a smile. "This my drink?" He asked, motioning to the glass of brown liquid, changing the subject like a pro. Chibs nodded at him, so he picked the glass up and started drinking.

* * *

The boys enjoyed themselves for a couple more hours at Diosa, before other clients started arriving and the bikers decided to go back to the clubhouse. It had been a good day, Jax knew that now everyone was  _very_  interested in the Escort industry. 

Tig was still sat at the bar, had been for most of the time they had been there. He was one of the only men who hadn't spoken to any girls today, aside from the bartender. He had been too preoccupied.

That girl he had seen, when they had first arrived, she had been on his mind for hours and he couldn't find her anywhere. He asked the other guys if they had seen her and they all answered the same, no. It was frustrating, especially since they were leaving now. If he just knew her name then maybe he could find her, but all he knew is that she was so very beautiful and it made him feel a new type of emotion. The man let out a sigh as he finally stood from his seat, knocking back the last of his drink before putting the glass down and giving the bartender an appreciative nod. The guys were heading out now, just Jax and Tig left inside. He knew he couldn't stall any longer so he reluctantly made his way out of the building. His brothers were mounting their bikes, with the exception of Juice who was carefully getting into the van with the prospects. He stomped over to his own bike, grumbling to himself as he picked up his helmet and put it on his head. He was about to strap it when a voice made him pause. 

"Leaving so soon? I thought I'd at least get to share a drink with  _one_ of you burly bikers." 

The voice was so soft, with a hint of amusement in it. It was warm and it made Tigs stomach flip. He breathed in as he turned to see the owner of the voice, eyebrows raising and lips parting in shock and relief once he recognised her as the woman he was hoping to find.

"Sorry, darlin'. We're just heading out." Jax gave her his usual charming smile.

But before Venus could reply, Tig spoke. "It's you."

His brothers gave him weird looks from where they sat, confusion evident on their faces. Kozik, however, was nodding along, apparently, he was the only one that had put two and two together. 

"Why, yes, it is, Tiger." The woman held her manicured hand in front of her red lips as she let out a soft chuckle. "A little birdie told me you were looking for me." She took a few steps toward him, her high heels clacking against the concrete.

"Yeah, couldn't find you." Tig was caught in her web, staring at her like he was in a trance. He was just so  _mesmerized_. 

"Well, I'm here now, hon. What did you need?" Venus hummed in question, her smile lightening up.  
Tig looked over to his brothers, Jax was giving him a look that he knew all too well. They had to leave. Tig let out a soft breath as he turned back to her. "Your name. What's your name?" He could always come back, and with her name. he knew he could find her.

"Venus. Venus Van Dam." She took a step back as they started up their engines, her eyes never leaving the curly-haired man in front of her. "I suspect I'll be seeing you later." She sent him a wink, then she turned and walked back inside Diosa.

* * *

The boys arrived back at the clubhouse in under an hour, bikes and van parking in the respective places. Everyone saw how it was Chibs' automatic response to go straight over to the van and help Juice out, it earned a chuckle from Kozik and Happy.

"I swear, Juice has a leash around that man tighter than his wife had." Tig muttered, his brows raised.

They all turned to watch the scene, Chibs practically picking Juice up and carrying him over to the wheelchair, then pushing him in it. 

"Whatever keeps them both calm and happy." Jax countered, sending a look his way. 

"If I see them kiss, I'm out." Happy smirked, his joke making the whole group laugh. 

"What's funny?" Chibs asked, having now caught up with the men as they made their way inside. 

"You and Juice's marriage." 

Another round of laughter. 

Chibs scowled, the comment seeming to annoy him. "Fuck off!" There was a real anger behind his voice, but the guys didn't pick up on it and continued to laugh. "Bloody bitches.." He mumbled that last part to himself, only Juice overheard. 

Juice looked up at the man with a smile, it was hesitant and apologetic, it made Chibs feel guilty for losing his temper. 

Chibs sighed and put his hand on Juices' shoulder, squeezing it lightly. 

Inside the clubhouse, it was business as usual. The bar was semi-full, girls in short shorts and crop tops leaning over the tables where greasy men in their 30's and 40's sat ogling them. Chibs scrunched his face up in disgust, he couldn't believe he had ever been like one of  _them_. 

"I'm gonna give T.O a call, tell him we're in with Nero, but I think that's all our business done for the day. Anyone need to take anything to the table?" Jax gathered his brothers around the bar, Chuckie immediately preparing drinks for them all. He looked around the group, all the guys shaking their heads. "Okay, I'll see you later." Jax walked off, and the Sons spread across the bar, each doing their own thing. 

* * *

"Hey, Chibby?" Juice called out to his brother, who was across the bar with Tig, laughing about something. They had been back for about an hour, and something was really bugging Juice.

Chibs looked over with a smile. "Yeah, Juicy?" He patted Tig on the shoulder then made his way over.

"I need your help with something, I can't do it on my own when I'm like this." The Puerto Rican looked up at the man with an embarrassed look on his face.

"'Course, what it is lad?" Chibs furrowed his brows in confusion.

Juice turned around in his wheelchair and started down the hall, motioning for Chibs to follow. He did. He leads the man into the dorm that Juice was staying in, then into the bathroom.

Chibs rose his brow now. "What? You need help bathing?" He asked, half of his mind screaming at him to leave. 

"No!" Juice choked, his cheeks turning red. "I need to shave my head- I hate having this hair- it's so uneven and.. dark." 

Chibs was relieved, and he probably looked it. He gave the boy a smile and reached over to ruffle his hair. "I kinda like it, weird seeing you with a full head of hair. Looks good on ya."

Juice was silent, turning to look at himself in the mirror. He couldn't see it. He shook his head. "I-i don't like it. I can't see my tats. I don't feel like me."

Chibs nodded. "Alright, I'll help ya. But I must warn you, I'm not the best hairdresser, it might end up all wonky."

Juice looked at Chibs in the mirror and smiled. "I trust you."

Chibs smiled back at him and nodded again, looking around the small bathroom then picking up the clippers. He plugged them into the socket then switched them on. The first task was to get Juicy's hair to be the same length. Juice closed his eyes once Chibs pressed the shaver against his head, trying to keep still as the vibration tickled his scalp. He let his head relax, let Chibs take control and move it when he needed to- first forward so he could cut the back, then back so he could cut the front, then to either side. Once he finished the first job, he set the clippers to close shave. Now he would have to concentrate more. 

Juice's hair started gathering in clumps and falling onto his shirt, it itched his skin, but he resisted scratching. This task took longer, as Chibs was trying his very best to give Juice a good haircut. Juice's neck started to ache a bit from the angle he was at, and Chibs' hand was starting to cramp- but they powered through it. It took another ten minutes to finish, until Chibs pulled the snippers away from the boys head and switched them off. 

"There." He breathed out, smoothing his hand over Juice's head to brush off the excess hair. "What do you think?" 

Juice slowly opened his eyes, blinking a bit to get them to focus, then he smiled wide. "Oh that is so much better-" He turned his head to the side and traced over his tattoo, then did the same to the other. He had a bigger mohawk than usual, long enough for his hair to still curl. 

Chibs noticed him playing with a curl, and he cleared his throat. "I think it suits you, Juicy, you look... good." He breathed out the last word, a ghost of a smile on his lips. There were so many words he had wanted to say, to tell the boy just how amazing he thought he looked, but 'good' would have to suffice for now. 

He was worried that Juice didn't like it, because he was silent, but then he felt a hand grab his, and a thumb stroke over his skin. "I love it. Thank you."

Chibs' smile grew into a full blown grin, and he simply stared at the boy through the mirror. "You're welcome." They simply looked at each other for another couple minutes, hands holding hands and eyes screaming a thousand words. 

But then a knock on the door brought them out of their daze. They quickly unlinked their hands, just as the door swung open and  Kozik walked in. "Hey, guys- Woah! Juice, nice hair, you needed that haircut real bad."

"Is there something you want?" Chibs growled out, clearly annoyed at being interrupted. 

Kozik just laughed. "Yeah, uh, we're gonna have a sort of party tonight. Celebrate the clubs new business. Jax wants us all there." 

Chibs looked like he was going to say something else, so Juice jumped in. "Sounds good, thanks for telling us, we'll be out in a minute." He twirled his hair and wheeled out of the bathroom, shooing Kozik out the dorm then shutting the door. He turned away from the door, then smiled at Chibs. "Thanks again. But I should probably get all this hair off of me before I go out."

Chibs nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll go change into some clean clothes too- I should probably start leaving clothes in the drawers in here." He joked, laughing as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Juice laughed softly and lowered his head. "Yeah... are you sure you don't mind staying with me? 'Cause I'm sure I'll be alright on my own- you don't have to-" He was cut off when he felt hands cup his face.

"Juicy, I will stay with you in this dorm until you kick me out. You're not forcing me to be here with you, I actually enjoy it.. being near you. Okay?" Chibs was kneeling in front of the wheelchair, looking Juice directly in his eyes. 

Juice had to gulp down his nerves, breathing in slowly and deeply as a smile grew on his face. "Okay." His voice was quiet and barely audible, but Chibs was close enough to hear. He saw the mans' gaze flicker down his face, and his breath caught in his throat. Chibs slowly leaned in, the hands that cupped Juice's head pulled him forward until they met halfway; they kissed once, it was hesitant and measured. Juice closed his eyes, moving his hand up to hold the older mans' neck, curling his fingers around the thick tufts of hair. They parted after half a minute, their faces staying close together as they both thought about what had just happened.

Chibs' was the first to pull away, slipping free from Juices grasp and standing up straight. He turned his back on the boy and walked to the other side of the room, hand reaching up to touch his lips. His brows were furrowed as he shook his head, clearing his throat and turning his head to the side, he could just see Juice from the corner of his eye. "I, um." He started, but shook his head, unable to form any other words.

Juice felt like he was stuck in position. His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip and he inhaled sharply. His eyes finally opened and he looked over at Chibs' his heart hurting once he saw how  _far_ he had moved. "We should-" He looked around the room, wiping his sweaty hands on his thighs. "-get ready for the party." His voice broke in his last word, a rush of emotions suddenly drowning him. He looked away from Chibs, then headed straight into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. 

Chibs' didn't move from his place for another minute, staring at where Juice had been. He couldn't believe he had just done that.  _Him_. He initiated it. He thought that if it were to happen sometime- that  _Juice_  would've been the one to start it, at least then he could blame it on someone else. But this was his doing, and he didn't know how to handle that. He looked down at himself, finally turning and walking back across the room. He spared one last glance at the bathroom door, then he walked out.

* * *

The party had already started by the time Juice made his way out of the dorm. He was dressed nicely, in a tight grey shirt and dark jeans. He had his broken leg in a splint, and he was walking on crutches again. His brothers cheered upon seeing him, a few making their way over and patting him on the back and shoulder. 

"Nice hair, finally looking clean again." Happy smirked and handed the younger man a beer, which he gladly accepted. 

"I'm sure Abel would approve." Tig chuckled, winking at Juice.

"Yeah, I hope." Juice gave a smile, sitting down on a bar stool so he could hold his drink better. He sipped at it and looked around the bar, looking back the crowds of men and women grinding against each other. "Is Chibs around?" He asked, furrowing his brows as he looked over to the bald man.

Happy shook his head. "He just left, said he had to make a call. Think he's outside though. You missing your boyfriend already?" The man smirked.

Juice's eyes widened and he looked over to Happy with a shocked expression. Had Chibs told the guys about their kiss? He could feel himself start to panic, his face heating up. 

"Relax, kid, Hap's teasing." Bobby snorted, rolling his eyes. "We all know that if you  _did_  have a boyfriend in the club, it'd be someone attractive." He added, making the men around him laugh loudly. 

Juice forced himself to laugh along, faking a smile as he swallowed down his paranoia. "Unfortunately for me, there's not a single attractive guy in the Sons of Anarchy." He joked, earning a light slap to the head from Tig. 

"Watch your mouth, pretty boy." The black haired man retorted.

"Whatever, old man." He smiled and tipped his head back, downing the rest of the beer. He coughed and wiped his mouth, then looked toward the front door. "I'm gonna head outside, need a bit of fresh air." 

His brothers nodded and Juice placed his empty bottle on the bar, pushing himself off the barstool and walking out with his crutches. A man he didn't recognise helped him get out, holding the door open as he limped through. He thanked him with a smile and a small wave, then looked around. He couldn't see Chibs, but he could hear music playing from Teller-Morrow. He furrowed his brows and carefully made his way over, having to take his time as he walked as to not strain himself. 

Juice pulled open the door to the garage and he walked inside, it slamming behind him. It made the male jump, and he chuckled to himself at his cowardice. He shook his head and continued into the garage, following the sound of the music. It lead him to the office, and by now the music was so loud it almost hurt his head. He frowned and opened the door, taking a step inside. His eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, taking in the scene in front of him. Chibs was roughly fucking a crow eater against the wall, both of them panting and moaning loudly. The girl opened her eyes and looked at Juice dead in the eye. Juice was sure he looked horrified, his face full of hurt and confusion and even  _jealousy_. The crow eater wrapped her legs around Chibs, moaning louder now, for show. She tugged at the old man's hair and clung to him, all the while never breaking eye contact. 

Juice clenched his fists and turned around, hurriedly limping out of the office, out of the garage, and away from the clubhouse.


	12. MY HEART'S TO BLAME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice confessed to two people and realises something new about himself. 
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait, but have a longer chapter to make up for it. I may time more time to update as they are taking longer to write.

Gemma woke up to the sound of Abel's high-pitched giggling, and a deeper chuckle. She immediately shot upright in her bed and pushed the covers off of her, grabbing the gun she kept in the bedside table and jogging into the living room. She let out a sigh of relief and put the gun down once she saw Juice sat on the couch with Abel on his lap. They were watching a kids show and eating chips, totally unaware of Gemma's presence.

"Juice?" Her voice seemed to startle him, and his head turned to look at her so fast she was sure it hurt.

"Gemma-" His eyes were wide, he looked like a child being caught doing something naughty. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

The woman shook her head and ran a hand through her hair, walking around to sit on the chair next to the couch. Thomas was sat on the floor, playing with some building blocks. "What are you doing here?" She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened a little. "-at four am?" 

Juice's face flushed and he looked down, moving Abel off his lap. It was now that she noticed his eyes were red. "I- um. I needed to get away from the club for a bit, but I also needed someplace where I wouldn't be alone." 

Gemma furrowed her brows and stood up from the chair. "Let me just put Thomas and Abel back in bed, then we can talk, alright?" She didn't know if he had woken the boys up, or if they were already awake when Juice arrived, but it would be best for them to sleep.

Juice nodded, so Gemma picked Thomas up in her arms and took hold of Abel's hand. She took them to the nursery and tucked them in their respective beds, giving them both a kiss to the forehead. Then the walked back out of the room and joined Juice on the couch, giving him a concerned look. 

"So.. you gonna tell me what happened?" Her voice was soft, not intrusive or demanding, offering the right amount of comfort.

Juice's eyes started to fill up with tears, it made Gemma want nothing more than to hurt whoever had upset him. The bond that they shared was thick and strong, and Gemma hated people hurting her boys. "I don't know if I can-" He took a deep breath and smiled, but it was that self-deprecating smile that he hadn't worn for a couple days. He had been making progress, but now it seemed like he was back at square one- at the point where you had to keep an eye on him.

She placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed it reassuringly, wrapping her other arm around his shoulders, making him lean his head against her shoulder. "Whatever you have to say, it won't leave here, alright? We don't have to tell nobody." That wasn't all true, yes, she would keep his secrets, but if she felt like she could make it better by intervening somehow, she would.

Juice took a deep breath and closed his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek. "I'm so screwed, Gem- I-I may have just ruined things with someone." He didn't want to give details, not yet. 

"Why, sweetheart? Who with?" Gemma rubbed his shoulder soothingly, her other hand moving to stroke his hair. She knew it relaxed him, and was pleased when he leaned into her a little bit.

Juice shook his head, he didn't want to say who. Thankfully, Gemma understood. "These past.. two weeks-" He hiccuped silently, more tears falling. "-I've been growing  _closer_  with someone, and it was all great- but now I think I'm-" He shook his head and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

"Shh, it's okay, honey." The woman frowned at the sight of Juice breaking down. It was becoming a common thing, and that wasn't good. "Just say it, I won't judge you one bit, baby."

"I think I'm falling for a brother-" Juice's eyes shot open at his own words and he pulled away from the embrace, facing Gemma with a terrified look. "N-not  _falling for_! I don't- I'm not  _gay_!" He clarified, shaking his head and breathing in and out hurriedly. "I just, I might like him more than I should! But I'm not  _gay_! I swear-" 

Gemma took the boys hands, silencing him. This came as a shock, it wasn't anything like what she had expected him to confess, but it made sense why he was so worked up. After the thing with Eli, Juice worrying about his place in the club just because his father was  _black_. Juice had confessed to her in his sleep, she never brought it up. Juice was so worried about those bylaws that were created so long ago. ' _no blacks, no queers_ '. Gemma shook her head, time was different now, the world was improving with their views, Juice had no worry. "Juicy.." She looked at him with a smile. "There's nothing wrong with being gay."

"I'm not gay!" Juice squeaked, it sounded like he was pleading for her to believe him. 

Gemma nodded. "I know, I believe you. But I just need you to know. There is  _nothing_  wrong with that. You said you're falling for a brother?" She had a suspicion as to who it was, but she would let him tell her when he was ready. "Do you think they feel the same?" 

"Yes-" He answered quick and it surprised Gemma. She couldn't imagine another one of the Sons liking boys. They were all so manly- and each have a reputation with the ladies. Apart from Tig.. he was open about his experiences with men. Maybe she had assumed it was the wrong guy. "No-"

Gemma furrowed her brows, she was confused now. "Yes or no, baby, it's simple."

"I don't know-" Juice looked so conflicted, he held his head in his hands. "I thought so... he was acting like it, anyway. And he- he took things further with me.  _Him_. Not me, so yeah, I thought he felt the same way. But tonight.." The Rican breathed in and out slowly, his eyes watering once more. "..I went looking for him, to talk about.. what happened. And I found him fucking some random girl." He lifted his head and looked at Gemma helplessly. 

Gemma felt a surge of anger. Now she was sure it was Tig. Only he would be so cruel to mess with somebody's feelings like that. Gemma put her hand on his knee and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Juice, men are horrible." She chuckled, Juice did too. "You never know what they're thinking, what they want, why they act so kind then next like a total dick. I can't say that things will get better, I don't know that. But I am here for you to rant and rave, okay? You're my boy." She smiled at him and patted his leg. "Now why don't you go and sleep in my bed, hm? I'll tell the guys you're here, I bet they're concerned."

Juice snorted and wiped his eyes. "I doubt it, they're all still probably partying, or balls deep in a crow eater." He frowned and shook his head. "I could do with some rest. I think Abel's shows were starting to hypnotise me." 

Gemma laughed at that and ruffled the little hair the boy had on his head. "They'll be some breakfast ready for when you wake up."

Juice nodded and stood up slowly, grabbing his crutches that he had laid on the floor. "Thanks, Gemma. For always being so kind to me."

"You're welcome, son." She gave him a smile and watched as he limped to her bedroom. Once the door was shut, she got up and collected her phone from the kitchen table, unlocking it and scrolling through her contacts. She called Jax first, frowning when he didn't answer. Next was Opie, same deal. Then she called Chibs, and it went through.

The voice that sounded through the phone was gruff and deep.  _"What?"_

Gemma rolled her eyes and sighed at his tone. "Nice to speak to you too. I'm just calling to let you know that Juice is over here, think he came over during the night." 

She heard a groan down the line and could imagine the Scot dragging a hand down his face.  _"Christ, did he walk there? Is he okay?"_

Gemma glanced back at the closed door with a frown. "Think so. He was limping pretty bad, worse than his usual anyway." She hesitated a moment before continuing speaking, quietening her voice. "Listen, Juice didn't want me telling anyone this.. but I think Tig is messing with him. The poor kid was in a state, couldn't stop crying... It's worrying. I won't give you all the details, that's his business, but keep an eye on them too, alright?"

The line was quiet for a minute, Chibs was no doubt confused and wanting to ask a million questions. Instead, she heard a grunt.  _"Damn Trager."_ Then a sigh.  _"I'll send a prospect to pick him up later."_

Gemma rose a brow. "Can't you?" She didn't get an answer, Chibs had hung up. 

* * *

Chibs let out a groan as he dropped the phone onto the floor. He had passed out in the office after being with a crow eater, she was nowhere to be seen. He shook his head and frowned. He left the boy alone for a few hours and he goes AWOL. "Dammit Juice!" He cursed and punched the wall, unsure as to why he was suddenly angry. Maybe he was angry with himself. He had kissed Juice, finally acted on the feelings that had been building up for almost two weeks, then he disappeared to fuck a girl because he felt  _wrong_. He went and got laid instead of making sure Juice wouldn't freak after their kiss. He obviously had, that's why he had disappeared and ended up at Gemma's house, he assumed. Damn Juice for disappearing. Damn his brothers for not stopping him.

The man sighed and got up off the floor, his bones cracking and muscles aching from the stiff position he passed out in. He grouchily made his way out of the office and into the clubhouse, frown deepening once he saw the brothers scattered around the bar, all passed out and most with girls around them. He shook his head and made his way over to one of the prospects, Phil. He shook the guy awake, then stepped back and let him stand up. "Juice is at Gemma's place. He's sleeping right now but I need you to go wait for him, then bring him back once he's up. Bring the wheelchair, he's fucked his leg up even more." His nostrils flared as he gave the order, satisfied when the prospect nodded and walked off to carry it out. 

He heard a hum from behind him and turned to see Tig drowsily looking over at him from his spot on the floor. "You missed the party, brother. Where were you?"

Chibs felt his anger come back and he stormed over to the male, grabbing him by his shirt and roughly tugging him to his feet. "The  _fuck_  are you doing to Juice?!" He practically spat in his face. 

Tig's eyes grew wide and he blinked them into focus, frowning at his brother as he swayed. "Wha-" 

"What did you do to my boy?!" He pushed Tig back and he crashed into the bar, waking up a few of his brothers who were nearby. 

"Chibs?" Happy's gruff voice sounded from beside him, he was laying on the bar with a girl either side of him.

"I don't know what you're on about, man!" Tig was sobering up now, the throbbing of his head bringing him to reality. "You're drunk!"

"Juice ran off! Gemma found him at her place in a fucking state! 'Said you were the cause of it!" Chibs' anger only seemed to grow at Tig's denial.

"I didn't do  _shit_ to the boy! You're the one making him dependent on you like he's your goddamn  _child_!" Tig rose his voice and stood up from the bar, rubbing his head from where he hit it.

He could see Chibs lunge for him, but Happy grabbed him before he could do anything. The Scot fought in the big man's grasp but he calmed after a minute. "I'm good. I'm good!" Chibs pushed Hap' away once he was in control of his feelings. He gave Tig another glare, but he stayed silent. 

"Listen, brother." Tig sighed, his own anger dying down. "I barely spoke to him last night, none of us did. He showed up and immediately went looking for you. You didn't see him?" 

Chibs furrowed his brows in confusion, glancing over to Happy, who confirmed Tig's statement with a nod. "But Gem said-" It suddenly dawned on him that maybe Gemma was mistaken. If Juice went looking for him- he would've found him with the crow eater.. not only hours after he had been kissed by the man. That would definitely mess him up. "-Shit!" Chibs cursed and stomped his foot down, running a hand through his hair. "SHIT!" he kicked a chair, it sliding then falling across the room. 

"What is it?" Tig asked, confused as hell at Chibs outburst. 

Chibs shook his head and turned on his heels, storming out of the clubhouse while muttering curses.

* * *

Juice lay on his side in Gemma's bed, her covers brought up to his shoulders. He sighed deeply and stared at the wall in front of him, frowning as his mind wandered back to last night. Juice hadn't known how to react when Chibs had kissed him. At first, he was confused and shocked, but then it was like everything finally made sense; his change of feelings for the man, the way his chest ached when he was around him, his  _jealousy_. Everything became clear, and when he kissed back? He thought he had died and went to Elysium. It was such a small show of affection, but it meant  _so much_. Which was why, when he found Chibs later that night with that girl, it felt like the man had personally ripped his heart out. 

Juice closed his eyes, pleading to himself not to cry again. His eyes stung and were swelling up, his head hurt from dehydration, any more crying would just make him hurt more. But that dark part of his mind told him that he deserved it. He did his best to ignore that, instead focusing on his earlier conversation with Gemma. He had confessed everything to her, and while Juice wasn't  _repulsed_  with himself for being attracted to a man, he didn't exactly  _like_  it. Gemma had looked him in the eyes, held his hands, and told him it was okay to be gay. But he wasn't  _gay_. He had slept with women, a lot of women, and had only ever had girlfriends. Sure, he had kissed a few guys here and there, maybe given or received a few handjobs from them, but that was when he was an experimental, horny teenager, it didn't mean anything.

He wasn't gay for being attracted for Chibs. He wasn't gay for staring at the man's chest when he had taken off his shirt. He wasn't gay for wanting to grab him by the neck and pull him in for a never-ending kiss. He  _wasn't_ gay. He wasn't straight either. Juice had never really paid much attention to anything other than gay or straight. He never felt the need to because, before Chibs, he had been certain he was  _only_  attracted to women.  He had found guys hot before, absolutely, but he had never wanted to act on it like he did with women, or Chibs, so he brushed it off. 

Juice sighed again and pushed the covers off of his body, sitting up and swinging his legs over the bed. He couldn't sleep, not when his mind was being so  _loud_. He rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands,  his eyebrows were furrowed and his frown grew bigger. He was almost in his thirties, and here he was questioning his sexuality like he's a fucking teenager again. Surely he should've known if he liked guys earlier? Juice shook his head and groaned, dragging his hands down his face. He needed answers. He reached over for his jeans that were on the floor, looking in the pockets and cursing when he couldn't find his phone. He didn't know if he had lost it at the clubhouse or on his way to Gemma's. He stood up from the bed slowly, carefully putting his broken leg on the ground, then immediately lifted it. It still hurt too much to use it. He hopped over to the doorway and grabbed his crutches, opening the door and limping out. He could see Gemma in the kitchen, it looked like she was making pancakes, and he saw Filthy Phil sat in the living room, watching Abel and Thomas play. 

Juice furrowed his brows even more, hobbling over to the kitchen, his eyes widening once he saw the time displayed on the clock. "It's seven?" There was no way he had been laying down for  _three_  hours. 

Gemma turned once she heard his voice, smiling and nodding at him. "Yeah, you get enough sleep?" She hummed in question, continuing her food preparation.

Juice shook his head and sat down at the dining table. "Couldn't sleep, my head is all over the place. He didn't miss the concerned look Gemma gave him, he had expected that.

The last time his thoughts had gotten the best of him, he had attempted suicide. "Can I use your phone?"

"Sure, sweetie." Gemma seemed glad for the change of subject and she nodded, walking over and passing it to him before returning to the kitchen. She hesitated for a moment, then turned to him. "Chibs stopped by earlier, after Phil arrived, said he needed to speak with you. He was acting all frantic, and he was drunk as hell."

Juice tensed and looked up from the phone. It sounded like he knew what had happened, from the way Gemma was talking. "Did he-" He cleared his throat. "-did he say what about?"

Gemma shook her head again and turned the kitchen appliances off, stacking up a plate of pancakes then going to grab toppings. "No. I sent him away, told him to sober up then come back once he's calm." She brought the pancakes over to the dining table and placed them in front of the boy.

Juice was thankful for that, he wasn't sure how he'd react when seeing Chibs again, he couldn't get the image of him and the girl out of his mind. "Thanks." He mumbled, grabbing one of the pancakes and unlocking Gemma's phone once she walked away. He went straight to google, thinking for a minute, then typing something out. It took him a few searches, he finally got an answer when he searched 'i like women and men'. The first thing that popped up was an article about 'what it's like to date a bisexual man'.  He didn't know what that meant, so he searched that too, and his eyebrows shot up upon reading what it meant. He was so relieved that it was a common thing, to like men and women. He knew that there were some people who weren't either straight or gay, but he didn't realise how much. He did some more reading as he ate his pancakes, and when he was done with both, he felt a lot better. He stood up from the dining table and was about to bring his plate to the kitchen when Phil came over and did it for him. He thanked him and picked his crutches back up.

"Chibs told me to bring you to the clubhouse when you woke up." The prospect stated, the look in his eyes silently asking if he was okay with that.

Juice nodded and gave a smile, hiding the fact that hearing Chibs' name made him feel a pang of sadness. "Yeah, sounds good." He looked down at himself and only now realised that he was only in his boxers. "Let me just- get dressed." His face heated up and he hurried into the bedroom, putting on his jeans as carefully as he could then just throwing on his shirt. He walked out after and Gemma helped him with his shoes, he felt like a little kid.

"The cages were taken so I brought the wheelchair, gonna have to walk back." Phil frowned a little, knowing it wasn't the best idea. He was surprised when Juice laughed. 

"That's gonna look weird, a big biker pushing a cripple on the streets." 

Phil smiled softly and chuckled as well. "Yeah." 

Juice turned to Gemma and hugged her tight, whispering a thank you in her ear before they pulled away. He gave Abel a high-five and pet Thomas' head, then he sat down in the wheelchair and let Phil push him out the house.

* * *

Chibs groaned from where he sat, forehead pressed against the table of the booth. There were a few water bottles and a glass on the table next to his head, some near full and others near empty. He had spent the last few hours sobering up, and the more he did; the worse he felt.

"You good, brother?" Jax walked over to the booth and patted Chibs on the shoulder.

The Scot rose his head from the table and looked up at the President through squinted eyes. He scrunched up his face and lowered his head down again. "Fucking fantastic."

Jax nodded, opening his mouth to speak, but closing it when the club doors opened and his attention was drawn there. "Juice," Chibs opened his eyes fully upon hearing the kids name. "You should've asked one of us to give you a ride if you wanted to go to Gemma's last night. We need you healed as quick as possible, can't be putting any strain on your injury." Jax crossed his arms as he spoke, eyeing Juice like he was a dad scolding his son.

Juice looked up from the wheelchair and gave a sheepish smile. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that." He glanced behind Jax, at Chibs, and gulped. "I should change, I'll be back." He started wheeling himself away as he saw Chibs stand from the booth.

Chibs thought of going after the kid, but he was swaying and knew he wouldn't be able to catch up to him. The man grumbled and stumbled across the bar, practically falling onto the barstool. He heard a chuckle then a cough beside him, and looked to see Piney staring at him with an amused smile. "You look like shit!" The old-timer wheezed.

Chibs glared at him and flipped him off. "So do you." He muttered, grabbing a glass of water that Chuckie held out. He dipped his fingers in the water then dragged them down his face and rubbed his eyes. It helped him feel a little more awake. He heard the squeak of wheels and immediately searched for the source, a frown forming on his face once he saw Juice was back. The male looked good, he had changed into baggy jeans and- Chibs gulped, licking his bottom lip as he realised Juice was wearing one of his shirts. It was obvious it was his, it was loose and pooled a little in his lap. He was sure if Juice were to stand up, it would probably cover his ass. Chibs tore his eyes away from Juice's chest and instead looked at his face, seeing the small smirk on his lips. The damn kid did it on purpose.

"Chibs?"

Chibs blinked at the female voice and turned to face the owner. His face paled once he saw it was the crow eater from last night. She was smiling at him and took a step into his personal space, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. Chibs' eyebrows shot up and he faced Juice again, only to see him wheeling himself back down the hallway. Chibs almost fell from how quick he tried to stand up, accidentally shoving the girl back. "Shite!" He cursed and held one arm out to her, stepping away because he  _really_  needed to speak to Juice. "I'm sorry, lass, get Tig to buy you a drink- I'll pay him later." He jogged away after saying that, making it in time to stop Juice from slamming the dorm door.

Juice looked up at the man and fought himself not to glare. "What do you want?" His voice made it clear that he was angry. He rose a brow and crossed his arms, looking at Chibs expectantly. He was jealous and confused and it was frustrating him immensely. 

"Can we talk?" Chibs glanced down the hallway, then through the crack in the door. Juice was right behind the door, so he couldn't push it open without hurting him. The clever bastard. When Juice didn't say anything, he lowered his head and sighed. "You don't have to speak, just let  _me_  talk? Shit, Juice-" He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, his face scrunched up in what looked to be regret. 

Juice was silent for another minute, his eyes glued to the man's face, trying to figure him out. He uncrossed his arms and pushed himself away from the door, stopping when the back of the wheelchair bumped the bed. "Go ahead." His voice was quiet, barely audible, but Chibs read his lips and walked inside the dorm room, shutting the door behind him. 

"Juicy... I am  _so_  sorry-" He started, but cut himself off. He frowned and looked to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. "I don't know...  _why_  I did what I did," He took a deep breath.

"Why you did what?" Juice spoke up, making Chibs look over. He almost winced at the anger on his face. "Kiss me?" He paused. "Or fuck the crow eater,  _hours_  after kissing me?"

Chibs eyes' softened as a look hurt crossed Juice's face. "...both." He took a few steps forward. "You make me so confused, Juice, I don't know what I'm doing or saying most of the time when I'm around you. I didn't mean to kiss you-"

"-But you did! You kissed me!" Juice wheeled himself forward and rose his voice. "Chibs- I know how I feel about you, I know that it's wrong to feel for a brother the way I feel about you, but you kissing me just amplified everything! And I-" He laughed, but it wasn't humorous. "-I was stupid enough to think that  _you_  kissing  _me_  meant that maybe I wasn't the only one."

It was Chibs turn to be quiet, he bit his thumb and furrowed his brows in thought, taking in the words that Juice had just said. He turned away from him and sat down in the chair beside the bed. "Juicy." His voice was void of emotion. "What  _do_  you feel for me?" He knew his own feelings toward Juice were more than brotherly, but he hadn't thought that Juice was on the same page.

Juiced turned his wheelchair to face Chibs but he didn't get any closer. "I think of you, a lot. A lot more than what is probably healthy- but I can't help it. Each day for the past two weeks, I've been, I don't know,  _crushing_ , on you more and more. I'm attracted to you, Chibs. Which is why I'm so fucking  _mad_  at you! Why the hell did you kiss me?!"

"I don't know! I keep saying that, but I don't  _fucking_  know!" The Scot clenched his hands into fists, shaking his head once more. "Are you gay?" He lifted his head and looked at Juice. 

Juice shook his head. "No... I think I'm bi- liking both men and women." He shrugged. "Are you?"

"Am I bi? Or gay?" Chibs furrowed his brows. 

"I don't know, either." Juice started wheeling himself forward. 

"No... and no. I don't like guys- apart from you. I don't know if I like you the way you like me- if it's more or less than what I feel, but I don't see you as my brother anymore. And that fucking scares me, Juicy, it scares me because I don't fucking know what _I'm_  feeling. You seem to know, but I don't. I'm sorry, Juice." He stood up once Juice was in front of him. Juice wanted to speak, but he didn't want to cut Chibs off now he was starting to address everything. "That's why I went to the crow eater- I thought that maybe if I went and got laid that this  _pull_  I feel to you would disappear. But I couldn't stop thinking of you." He let out a sad chuckle. "I was fucking a beautiful girl and I couldn't stop thinking of  _you_ , picturing  _you._ The hell am I supposed to do, Juice? You've got me rethinking  _everything_!" 

The room was silent for a couple minutes after that. Chibs was regretting ever opening his mouth, he made his way to the door. "Maybe-" Juice's voice made him stop, and he turned to look at him, shocked to find he was right behind him, standing up. "Maybe you're Juicesexual-" He made an attempt at humour, trying to lighten the tense mood. 

Chibs stared at him with raised brows, then started to laugh hysterically. It caught Juice off guard and he tried to keep his balance but ended up falling forward; against Chibs' chest. The older man's reaction was to immediately wrap his arms around him. and that resulted in them both going bright red in the face. He looked down at the Puerto Rican and gave a smile, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "Juice, I don't think I'll ever make sense of what you make me feel, but I know that- I want to," He sighed and shook his head. "Shite, I don't know, I just don't want things to suddenly be awkward because I kissed you."

"Or because I confessed I may be falling for your old ass." Juice added, moving his gaze until the pair were looking at each other in the eyes. "I don't either. But please don't get freaked out by me now, now you know." His voice was quiet.

Chibs only nodded and kissed the boys head, closing his eyes before sighing. "I won't be. I promise. Let's just... try continue as normal?"

Juice was slightly disappointed, but he nodded and gave a smile. "Sure." Chibs patted him on the back then they both pulled away from the hug.

The older man turned to open the door, but paused and smirked at Juice over his shoulder. "By the way... my shirt looks good on you."  He gave the smaller man a wink then left the room, leaving a blushing Juice alone.

* * *

Jax came out of the Chapel just as Chibs walked back to the bar. They went over to each other and hugged, Jax keeping his hand clapped on Chibs' shoulder, raising but brow at him. "You good?" He repeated his question from earlier. "Things seemed tense between you and Juice. And you and Tig too."

Chibs nodded and looked around the bar, his eyes landing on Tig. "Yeah, Juice was mad 'cause I wore one of his shirts by mistake and stretched it out." He chuckled, lying with ease. "And I need to go speak to Tig, apologize. I went off at him when I was drunk." Chibs frowned and looked back at Jax.

Jax simply nodded and patted his back. "Alright, gather the guys up after you've talked to Tig, meet in the Chapel." He gave one last nod then walked off.

Chibs went over to Tig and say down next to him, sighing. "Hello, brother. I came to.. apologize for screaming at you this morning."

Tig rose a brow and leaned back in his seat. "You realise you gotta tell me _why_  you did, right?"

Chibs gave him a pointed look, then nodded reluctantly. "Gem thought you were messing with Juice, I guess he took your teasing to heart." He shrugged his shoulders. He felt bad for lying, but there was no way he would tell him the truth. "As you know, I've been very... protective over him recently. Plus, I was drunk out of my head, I lashed out."

Tig chuckled and draped his arm across Chibs' shoulder. "You were  _wasted_ , man. If I didn't know any better, I'd have guessed you were trying to forget something." He gave him a wink, which made Chibs tense.

"Yeah," The Scot grunted. "This conversation." He teased, smirking as he wriggled out of Tig's grasp and stood up. "Come on," He changed the subject. "Jax needs us in the Chapel." He said the last part quite loud, so his brothers in the bar could hear. He got a few nods and they all started to the doors.

He was going to fetch Juice, but found him limping over, with no crutches. Chibs frowned, but Juice spoke before he could get his concern across. "I'm fine, just give me your arm." Chibs did as he was asked, wrapping one arm around Juice and using the other the hold the door open for the pair. The rest of the guys weren't sat, but Piney and Juice did as they couldn't stand.

Jax waiting til the doors were closed to speak. "This is just a quick talk. I wanted to let you know that I've been organising Clay's funeral for a few days now, and everything seems ready. It's just going to be us and close family. We may be clean now, but we're still the Sons of Anarchy and Clay had a lot of enemies. We can't risk someone turning up and getting revenge when we are there to mourn." He paused as his brothers took in the information. He took out a handful of cards and passed them around. "This is the location and time. I expect you all to be there." He finished off with a smile, then motioned to the doors.

* * *

The rest of the day went smoothly. Opie and Chibs were on duty in the garage all day, so Juice spent time in the bar, helping Chuckie whenever he could. Jax went on a ride with the prospects and met with Nero, finalising everything. It was pretty calm. As it neared night, Juice started to think about going back to his apartment. He had been sleeping in the dorm because it was easier, but now he was healing quicker he didn't see why he had to stay. Besides, he was getting fed up of drunken men stumbling into his room in the early hours of the morning with a girl, thinking the room was empty. 

He finished off the beer he had been idly sipping at, then hopped off the barstool and went to find Chibs. He was back to using his crutches, it was easier now as he was used to it. He walked into the garage, careful about the steps, and stood at the end of the car Chibs was working on. "Chibs?" He spoke loud, so Chibs could hear, and he made a grunt in response. "I think I want to go to my place tonight."

There was a clunk and then Chibs shimmied out from under the car, looking up at Juice with semi-wide eyes. "You sure?" There was concern in his voice.

Juice shrugged. "Yeah, figured it was time to."

Chibs nodded and wiped his hands on an oil rag. "If you're ready." He paused. "Do you.. want me to stay with you?"

Juice couldn't help the small blush that appeared on his cheeks. He played it off with a cough and a glance to the side. "Uh, yeah. Just because, it's the first time I'll be back since... you know. I don't know how I'll react."

Chibs gave him a sympathetic look, but it quickly disappeared because he knew Juice would hate that. "'Course. I can take you home when I'm finished with this, I'm done after that." He gave him a smile and lowered his voice. "You could've just said you'd miss my cuddles, you know."

Juice was about to protest but he saw the look Chibs was giving him, and decided it was best to not. He rolled his eyes and flipped him off. "Don't make me change my mind. I heard Opie's a good spooner too, I might have to swap you for him." 

The pair heard a chuckle and they looked over to see Opie watching them in amusement, his arms crossed over his chest. Chibs was suddenly anxious, they had literally just admitted to _cuddling_  in bed. Opie saw his nerves and waved it off. "Juice, I'll be happy to replace that sack of shit. I could use a break form Lyla, she only wants to be the big spoon." 

Juice let out a breath, happy that Opie was playing along with what he thought was a joke. He laughed quietly and glanced at Chibs. "See? I got people lining up to spend the night with me." His smile grew fonder once he landed his eyes on Chibs, it was automatic.

Chibs sighed dramatically and stood up from the car. "Well, I know when I'm not wanted." He teased, swatting Juice's backside with the oil rag once Opie had gone back to work. Juice yelped and Chibs winked, laughing loudly before finishing off his shift.

It didn't take long, and once he had filled out the paperwork for the vehicle, he went to find Juice. The pair said their goodbye to the last of the Sons who were there, then headed out. Chibs carried Juice's duffel bag of clothes to one of the cars, putting it in the backseat then holding the passenger door open for Juice. He got in and passed the older man his crutches, who then put them in the back as well before walking around and getting in the drivers' side. 

Chibs started up the car and glanced over at Juice as they pulled out of the lot. "Jax had V-Lin cleaning your place while you were shacked up in the dorm. He, uh, also got rid of the chains." 

Juice nodded and looked out of the window. He had completely forgotten that they had been left there. The night he tried to hang himself was a blur to him now, if he tried remembering it, his head would hurt. They hadn't brought up his attempt in over a week now, and Juice was grateful. He  _was_  aware of the worried glances, and that there was  _always_  someone watching over him, but as annoying as that was, it was better than them speaking about it all the time. He bit his lip and turned his head to face Chibs, giving a smile. "Thank you, Chibs."

Chibs furrowed his brows, his attention back on the road as they neared Juice's apartment. "For what? It was the prospect who-"

"No." He cut him off. "Not that." Juice reached over and placed his hand on Chibs' knee, making Chibs look at him for a few seconds. "For saving my life." 

Chibs smiled, his eyes creasing in the corners. "I would do it again in a heartbeat, boy. But I better not have to." 

They fell into a comfortable silence and Juice only retracted his hand after a few minutes. Chibs parked in front of the building and helped Juice get out. They both stared in the direction of the trees for a moment, before turning and making their way inside. Juice could only manage one flight of stairs, so Chibs practically carried him up the rest of the way. Earlier, Chibs had told Juice that they would try to continue as normal. But Juice was definitely noticing them  _both_  being more affectionate toward each other. It probably wouldn't be noticeable to the other guys, but Juice definitely noticed. 

The Puerto Rican's eyes widened when he stepped inside his apartment. "Holy shit, V-Lin did a great job." He chuckled and scanned the place.

"Maybe there's worth to him after all, then." Chibs joked, patting Juice on his shoulder. "You wanna watch TV or go straight to bed?"

Juice let out a sigh. "I need sleep. I feel so emotionally drained after today." He smiled sheepishly and limped over to his room. 

"Aye... me too, Juicy, me too." Chibs kicked off his shoes and left them in the hallway, then followed Juice into the bedroom. 

They undressed in silence, the men being aware of but ignoring the others wandering eyes. Juice got into bed and hummed happily, watching at Chibs walked around the bed and automatically got in beside him. He shuffled closer until they were both laying pressed together. It was just like their normal nights, but this time it  _felt_  different. Now the truth was out, it wasn't just brothers sleeping in the same bed, it was something  _more_. Juice was pleased with how Chibs' arm around him felt more secure than it had done, and Chibs was more than okay with Juice laying his arm over his chest. They simultaneously breathed in heavily, then breathed out slow.


	13. TRAGIC MAGIC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice just can't catch a break.
> 
> chapter title is a Falling in Reverse song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the last post, the waits between chapters will be longer than usual from now on as the chapters are getting longer and they take longer to write.   
> I hope you are enjoying this so far! I love writing it!

Juice stirred awake slowly, each of his senses coming back to him one by one. He felt the warmth of the sun on face and chest, the soft but rough fabric of leather beneath his cheek, and an arm draped across his head, hand laying on his ass. He was confused momentarily, but soon remembered he had fallen asleep with Chibs, so he snuggled into the man, hugging his body tight. He heard a deep chuckle from the man who held him and felt his hand squeeze his butt. He furrowed his brows and opened his eyes slightly, lifting his head to look at Chibs face- but it wasn't Chibs. The boy's eyes opened fully and widened to the point they looked like they would fall out. He practically threw himself to the other side of the bed, his face turning a bright red as he stared at Tig. 

"What the hell?!" Juice's heart sped up as he realised he had just been cuddling Tig.

There was another laugh and Juice turned to see Bobby in the doorway, smirking at him. "What? Didn't enjoy Tig's fondling? I heard he's good at it."

"Yeah, I never get any complaints." Tig spoke up from the bed, turning on his side and winking at Juice.

Juice groaned quietly and shook his head. "Well allow me to be the first." The older men chuckled. "What are you doing here?" He sat up and glared at them both.

"Jax needed Chibs to help him with something, so we're on babysitting duty." Tig grunted as he got up off the bed, walking around it then past Bobby and into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door behind him. The other two men grimaced once they heard Tig start urinating. 

"I don't need babysitting." Juice rolled his eyes and shuffled to the edge of the bed, reaching over and picking up a shirt that was on the floor. It was Chibs' that he had worn yesterday. He put it on then looked for his jeans.

"Yeah you do, we left you unsupervised for a few hours and you ran off. Granted, it was to Gemma's, but you ran off nonetheless." Bobby walked into the bedroom and picked up Juice's jeans, handing them to him. 

Juice glared harder and snatched his jeans, carefully pulling them on. "Are you serious? If Happy had run off, you guys wouldn't even bat an eye." 

"Yeah, cause Happy's Happy. Besides, last time you disappeared, we found you bloodied and beaten." Tig countered, appearing back in the room. 

Juice frowned, he had purposely not thought about his time spent with the Mayans. But with it mentioned, he couldn't help but remember.  
  
 _Juice was being carried out of the hospital by three men. They ran outside and threw him in the back of a van, slamming and locking the doors before speeding away. Juice's body jerked at the sudden movement and he rolled to the end of the van, his eyes flying open once his head hit the doors. He gasped and coughed harshly, attempting to sit up but stopping once pain surged through his entire body. He let out a weak cry and held his throbbing shoulder, tilting his head to the side and squinting in the dark. There was a sheet on the floor but aside from that, it was empty. He used his uninjured arm to drag himself across the floor so he could lay on the sheet. His head was ringing and there were stabbing pains behind his eyes, he passed out seconds after curling up in the corner of the van._  
  
"Juice- Hey! you with us?" Tig snapped his hand in front of Juice's face. Juice blinked his eyes back into focus, furrowing his brows when he saw Tig crouched in front of him. The curly haired man sent a concerned look over his shoulder to Bobby, then rose a brow and stood up, gently patting Juice's shaved head. "You zoned out for a second." It had been  _much_  longer than a second, which was why the older men were worried. "You good?"

Juice just nodded and cleared his throat. "Yeah, yeah I'm good. Just... remembered some stuff, I guess." His frown deepened as he spoke. 

"About the Mayans?" Bobby asked and slapped Tig's head when Juice nodded. "Idiot, kids messed up 'cause of you." 

Tig was about to protest but Juice beat him to it. "I'm not 'messed up'." He stood up from the bed and limped past both of them.

Bobby sighed and followed him, along with Tig. "I know, kid. I didn't mean it like that. You know we don't see you like that, right?" 

Juice simply shrugged and sat down on his couch. "I guess. Sometimes. Like-" He sighed too and shook his head, running a hand over his hair. "I know that I broke the rules when I tried to off myself, and I fucked shit up with the Mayans, and- I know it's my fault that Clay's dead-"

"Woah woah woah, hold on a second." Tig narrowed his eyes and walked around the coffee table, sitting next to Juice on the couch, Bobby sat down on the other side of them. "What happened to Clay was  _not_  your fault." His voice was stern and he stared at Juice. "Look at me. Juice, look at me." He rose his voice when the boy shook his head, and only carried on speaking once he did look at him. "Clay was leading the club down a dangerous path. He was going to get killed one way or another. You pinning your suicide attempt on the Mayans? That wasn't what got him killed. You did nothing that aided his death, alright?" 

Juice's eyes filled with tears and he took another deep breath, shaking his head slowly but eventually nodding. "I'm sorry, brothers." He looked at both Bobby and Tig. "I love you guys. You're my family."

Bobby smiled and slung his arm around Juice's shoulder, pulling him so he fell against him. He hugged him tight and ruffled his hair. "You idiot. We love you too." Juice laughed and Tig joined in the hug, squishing the Puerto Rican between the two of them.

"Yeah, even if you're an annoying little shit." Tig playfully flicked his head. 

Juice let out a laugh, a few tears dropping down his face, but he smiled. His apartment door swung open and hit the wall with a crash, one of the prospects rushed in; the look on his face making the three men's smiles disappear.

"Get to St. Thomas," Phil breathed out, gulping harshly. "It's Piney-"

"Shit!" Bobby stood up from the couch in a second, making Juice fall where he had been sitting. They all stared at Phil, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. They suspected he didn't know what had happened. Bobby spared a glance to Juice, who had wide-eyed looking like a frightened kid, then looked to the prospect. "You got a cage?" 

Phil shook his head. "No, Jax had them all for his meeting. They're all at the hospital, said it doesn't look good."

Juice could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't want to  _not_  go just because he has a fucked up leg. "I can ride with Tig!" He blurted out, only thinking over his words once they had been said. 

Tig looked at him like he had two heads. "Are you serious? A, you can't ride with your leg like that. B, you're not a goddamn girl!" Tig shook his head. 

Bobby held his hand up, signalling Tig to shut up. "We got no other option, brother. Might be the old mans time. Ope would kill him if he missed it." 

"And I don't want to miss it! If it even happens, like I said before, you guys are my family. I need to be there." Juice stood from the couch, to prove his point that he could do it. It hurt like a bitch to even put a little weight on his leg, but he suffered through it. 

Tig gave them both a hard look, then sighed. "Fine! Fine, shit... Come on." He put his arm around Juice and the four men left his apartment. 

* * *

Opie was sat in a waiting room at the hospital, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands behind his head. He blocked out the sound of his brothers speaking, thinking back to when his father collapsed.

They had been at the clubhouse, drinking and smoking like any other day. Piney lit one of his cigars saved for special occasions, Opie had asked why, Piney just shrugged and replied with he just felt like it. It was as if he  _knew_  what was going to happen. He got halfway through the cigar before he let out a heavy wheeze and fell off the barstool. Opie rushed to his side, firmly slapping his face to get him to come to, but all he saw was his father's eyes roll into the back of his skull and his lips part as he breathed shakily. 

Opie let out a noise that sounded like a choked sob and he buried his face in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Lyla. He stood up and immediately hugged her tightly, cradling her head with his hand and kissing the side of her neck. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent, forcing his tears away once he pulled back to look at her. 

"Kids are with Chuck and a prospect- the Asian one. Didn't think you'd want them here for this." Lyla frowned as she spoke, softly stroking Opie's arms. He nodded and forced a smile. 

"Thank you." He leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss to the lips before hugging her again.

* * *

Juice was on the back of Tigs bike, his arms wrapped firmly around his waist. It was uncomfortable for the both of them, but right now it didn't matter. Sure, they may undergo some teasing about Juice riding bitch and Tig letting him, but now wasn't time to joke. Bobby and Filthy Phil were riding in front of them; it was odd for a prospect to be leading but they thought it would be best, given the circumstances.

A car reversed from a street seconds after Bobby and Phil rode past, cutting Tig and Juice off. Tig braked hard, jolting him and Juice. "You okay?" He looked behind him and felt Juice nod against his back. "We'll go a different way." He turned the bike around and started off down a smaller street. Tig increased the speed, it would take them a bit longer to get to the hospital down this route. They navigated through twists and turns and rode down an alleyway, then finally got out onto the road again. It was already too late when they realised there was oil spilled across the entirety of the road. "Shit! Hang on!" 

Juice did as instructed and pressed himself closer to Tig, his eyes wide as he watched the bike slip and slide on the oil. The man had a hard time keeping it under control, attempting to brake but it did nothing, the bike continued to skid and increase speed. "Tig! Watch out!" Juice screeched and Tig looked up, they were heading straight toward a wall; unable to stop. Juice's heart hammered hard enough he could hear it. 

"JUMP!" Tig yelled and pulled Juice's arms off him, practically throwing him off the bike before diving off it himself. Juice screamed and rolled across the road, his vision going black due to the  _blinding_  pain soaring through his body. Tig landed a few metres away, breathing heavily as he watched his bike get _obliterated_. He had scrapes and cuts, but it was nothing he couldn't deal with. He barely heard Juice's cries over the ringing of his ears. He got up to his knees and stumbled over to the Puerto Rican, who looked to be passed out but he kept screeching. Men and women rushed over to the pair of them, all of them asking if they were okay. Tig glared at them over his shoulder. "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" His voice sounded distorted. He turned back to Juice and shook his head. "Juice, JUICE- shit! JUICE!"

Juice was writhing in pain, screaming at the top of his lungs. His eyes were wide but they wouldn't register on anything. Tig didn't know what was happening but it was freaking him the fuck out. He pulled his hand back and slapped him hard across the face- making Juice gasp and  _finally_  look at him. "What th- AAGH! FUCK!" He attempted to sit up but fell back down, his chest moving up and down harshly with his heavy breaths. All he could feel was pain and numbness at the same time, each feeling seemed to amplify the other. He gritted his teeth and sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut once the tears fell out the corner of his eyes.

"You're okay, brother, you're okay." Tig forced the words out, looking down at Juice's body. His arms were red and bloody, his clothes were ripped and the parts of skin that were exposed was scraped to  _shit_. He almost didn't want to look at his legs, afraid of what he'd see, but he had too. He gulped and cursed, his knee was  _definitely_  out of place, on his bad leg too. The sight of it made him gag, but he hid it well and looked back to Juices face, who was staring at him now.

"How bad is it?" He choked on his words, the fear and worry evident. 

Tig shook his head. "It's fine, you're fine." He lied, forcing a smile. Juice's face wasn't that better off than the rest of him, one of his cheeks was grated and there were smaller grazes on his chin, nose and forehead. "You'll be good, just lay still." Juice could tell he wasn't telling the truth, but he was thankful. He just nodded and closed his eyes again, whining and groaning quietly. 

It took half an hour for the Ambulance to get there as they had to find a different route than the road covered in oil. Juice spent the entire time crying and cursing, Tig was only doing the latter. Once the EMT got out the vehicle, they rushed over to the pair. A woman pulled Tig away and walked him over to the side.

"I'm fine, doc-" She gave him a hard look and he sighed. "I'll get checked at the hospital, I gotta come with you guys in the Ambulance. My ride is kinda fucked." He glanced over to his bike with a frown.

"We normally don't allow people to ride with us in the back, but we will allow it this once." She replied, glancing over to her colleagues who were helping Juice onto a stretcher. 

"How long ago did you break your leg?" The male EMT, Michael, asked as he strapped Juice's leg in a splint.

Juice cried out and bit his lip hard enough that he tasted blood. He shook his head and whimpered. "T-two weeks ago?" He guessed, and the man nodded. They lifted Juice onto a stretcher then carried the stretcher into the back of the Ambulance. Tig got in with them and shut the doors, sitting down on the back seat. It was another three minutes before the Ambulance took off toward the hospital.

* * *

Bobby walked into the waiting room, Phil trailing behind him. He walked straight to Opie and gave him a hug and a pat on the back, then did the same with Jax and Happy. The other members were sat down, he gave them a wave. 

"Tig and Juice on their way?" Opie asked, his voice more stable now.

Bobby nodded. "Rode behind us, got split up on the way here by some random cage but they'll be here. How's he doing?" 

Opie let out a sigh and shook his head. "Same condition. He woke up for a minute but didn't say anything. Doctors think he had a stroke, but they can't be sure-"

Opie was cut off by a scream, the sound of hospital doors being pushed open, and the squeaking of wheels. All eyes were drawn to the hallway as Juice was pushed in on a gurney, crying in pain. Tig was limping after him but stopped when he saw the guys. He looked exhausted.

"Jesus-" Jax cursed and dragged a hand down his face.

"Juicy?!" Chibs stood up from his chair and rushed over, pushing past his brothers and the doctor to look at him. "What the hell happened?! JUICE?!" 

Happy walked over and grabbed Chibs shoulders, pulling him back and letting the doctors take Juice away. "Easy, brother-"

Chibs jerked away from Happy and marched over to Tig. "What did you do to him you lousy bastard!" 

It was Jax and Kozik who kept him still this time, each of them grabbing one of his arms so he wouldn't lash out. "CALM DOWN!" The President yelled, glaring at the angry Scotsman.

"I didn't do anything! We crashed! There was oil all over the goddamn road and I lost control of the bike." Tig narrowed his eyes at Chibs, but it quickly softened and he shook his head. "We were in such a rush to get here, man, I wasn't looking at shit properly. Only realised what was happening til it was too late. I threw both Juice and myself off _seconds_  before my bike hit the wall."

Opie cursed and kicked one of the chairs, turning away from everyone. 

"Juice was riding on your bike? _With_  you?" Tig furrowed his brows, surprised that that was Chibs' only question, but more so by the underlying jealousy in his tone. 

"Yeah, we had no cars. Figured it was the best option." Tig frowned and looked at his other brothers for some kind of affirmation; he got it with Jax's nod. 

"We can't leave him alone, not after what happened last time." Jax wasn't directing his voice at one particular person. "Two people with him, minimum. One of them a prospect. You okay with that, Ope?" 

Opie stayed facing the wall. "My dad could  _die_  any second. He wouldn't want  _anyone_  in the club to miss it."

"I know, brother. But we don't have a lot of options here."Jax's voice was soft and hesitant. 

"I'll go." Chibs spoke up before Jax could continue. "Juice is safe with me. I don't need a prospect with me. They couldn't protect him last time." He snarled at the group of men, directing his glare to Phil and Rat, then turned on his heels. 

"Where is this rage coming from?" Jax called out. "This is a time for us to be close as a family, we don't need you acting like this, brother."

Chibs turned his head to look over his shoulder. "Juice would have  _never_ gotten hurt on my watch." He spat on the floor and stomped down the hallway.

Jax closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, snapping his fingers in the general direction of the prospects. "One of you, follow him. Make sure he doesn't take his  _anger_  out on any _thing_ or any _one_. He tells you to get lost? Stay, just don't piss him off even more." He opened his eyes and watched Rat scurry off then he faced Opie. "I'm sorry about Chibs, I'll talk to him later."

Opie finally turned back to his brothers. "So will I." His words were hissed out, it was clear that he would do more than  _talk_. 

* * *

"Mother Mary of Christ!" Chibs breathed out harshly, looking through the window of the hospital room. The door opened and a doctor walked out, Chibs grabbed his arm before he could walk away. "Can I go in there?"

The man glanced back at the closing doors, then at Chibs. "It's family members only right now. Friends can visit him once we have him settled." He gave a nod and tried to step away, but Chibs' grip on his arm didn't budge.

"I'm his family." Chibs replied, forcing himself not to narrow his eyes. Ratboy stopped at the end of the hall, seeing the encounter. He chose not to interfere just yet.

The doctor gave him a skeptical look. "Sir, I find that hard to believe."

Chibs groaned almost silently, licking his bottom lip and taking a small step closer, lowering his voice. "I'm his- It's complicated, alright. But I'm his, you know." The doctor rose a brow in confusion, so Chibs carried on. "I'm his goddamn lover for Pete's sake, we live together, we sleep together, we exchange bodily fluids. Ya wanna know the other gory details?!"  

The man's eyes widened and his mouth fell open in a silent gasp. "Oh!" Chibs could see his face turning pink as he motioned to the doors. "You can go in, sorry for the trouble... sir." 

Chibs nodded and finally let go of the man's arm, watching as he scurried off down the hall- which is when he saw Rat. He cursed under his breath and walked over, grabbing the kid by the back of his neck. "Ya hear that conversation?" By the weird look Rat was giving him, he assumed yes. " _That_  is how you bend the rules to visit your brother."

"You say that you're  _gay_  with them?" Ratboy shook his head, face scrunched up in what can only be described as disgust.

"Aye, you do. 'Cause knowing if yer brother is okay is more important than yer fuckin' fragile masculinity, boy." Chibs accent slipped heavily into his words, his annoyance creeping up again. He was mad that Rat had followed him after he had made it  _clear_  he didn't want a prospect with him, but at the moment he was more occupied with making Rat believe that what Chibs had said wasn't real. Which is wasn't, not 100%.

Rat only nodded. "Okay, okay I get it." 

Chibs returned the nod, clapped him on the back, then walked back down the hall and pushed the doors open, stepping into the room where Juice was in.

He was already being hooked up to machines, needles inserted into his arms. There were four doctors 'setting him up', one was making sure Juice was somewhat comfortable with that large neck brace around him while the others cut open his clothes to see the damage. Chibs wanted to approach the boy, tell him it was okay and that he was here, but he couldn't. He felt like his feet had been glued down onto the floor, all he could do was stare at the rapidly forming bruises and the blood that seemed to coat his entire body. A lady doctor turned to look at Chibs, about to ask him to leave, but her face softened upon seeing Chibs' expression. She glanced back to her coworkers, whispered something to them, then stepped away from the bed and toward Chibs'.

"He will be alright, the majority of his injuries are external, we just have to do a few tests to make sure he is fit for surgery." She gave him a warm smile, the kind that would reassure people- but it unnerved Chibs.

He furrowed his brows, finally tearing his eyes away from Juice's beaten body to look at the woman. "Surgery? Why does he need surgery?"

The woman, Chibs' now realised her name tag said 'E. White', motioned to Juice. "His knee is out of place, if it stays this way for a long time there could be possible nerve damage. We would do it manually but due to Juan Carlos' fractured leg we will have to do it surgically- and we will have to place a rod in his leg to lay against his bone until it heals. The bone would not be able to heal without the support because the break was left untreated for too long then underwent further damage." 

Chibs head swam with the new information, letting out a heavy breath through his nose. He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair, nodding a few times before lowering his hand to his side. "Shite.. okay. Can I-" Chibs almost laughed at what he was about to ask. "-can I stay with him? Last time he was in hospital, he got kidnapped and tortured." He had lowered his voice so only the doctor in front of him could hear. "If he wakes up alone he will freak and most likely do something stupid that'd end in him getting hurt even more." Dr White opened her mouth to speak and Chibs could tell she was going to say no. "Please? He's my boy, I hate seeing him like this, I just want him to be okay." He was putting on a show to convince her to let him get his way, but he had found the words he needed so easily that he was sure they had been stocked away in his brain- he was just too afraid to say them. Now they were out in the open, though, Chibs could feel his heart hammering in his chest and he had to clear his throat and look away from Juice's body. 

The lady sighed and gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything." 

Chibs nodded and forced a thankful smile onto his face. This would be so much easier if Tara hadn't run off. He wouldn't be having to confess things to people that he wasn't ready to confess to himself. "Appreciate it, doc." She walked away after that and he was left alone with his thoughts. He was biting his thumbnail while staring at Juice's unconscious body, his mind racing with thoughts about the male. They had confessed their... ' _feelings'_ for each other less than 24 hours ago, and here he was, pretty sure that in that short time period that whatever emotions he feels for Juice had just tripled because he was once again afraid that Juice might leave him. The boy had seen more tragedy in the past month than Chibs had in his first year of being with the Sons. It wasn't right, he didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve this hurt following him around. 

He forced himself to stop thinking before his eyes welled up and he pleaded to the gods to fix this. The thought made him chuckle humorlessly. He was believing less and less in the gods he grew up thinking were real with each passing day.

* * *

Juice was once again awoken by pain, but this time he couldn't tell where it was coming from. He groaned at the familiar feeling and blinked his eyes open, squinting through the brightness as someone approached the bed. It took another 10 seconds for his eyes to focus on the face- but he was relieved when he saw those scars he knew too well. "Chibs?" He croaked out and lifted his hand to touch his throat, it was sore and the pinch from his arm made him look down, he saw the needle in it and hissed, moving to pull it out.

Chibs hand caught his before he could. "No, Juicy, stop." The Scot looked at someone, and Juice turned his head to see two doctors. "Can he have some water?" They nodded.

Juice furrowed his brows, looking between the three of them. His head felt fuzzy, and he was  _sure_  he would have been panicking about being back in hospital but he just felt... calm. Sleepy, even. "Whas- goin' on?" He slurred, frown forming on his face.

Chibs lifted a small plastic cup of water to Juice's lips. "Drink, lad." Chibs moved his arm behind Juice's back, helping him sit up a little as he sipped the liquid. He carefully let him down after, placing the cup on the table. 

"Chibs?" Juice asked again, blinking as he tried to keep his eyes focused, but it was becoming increasingly harder. The good thing was he could feel his pain start to go, his body becoming numb.

"Yeah, boy?" His voice was quiet and he barely felt him touch his hand. 

"Wha' hap-nin'?" He moved his gaze to the doctors, staring at them warily.

Chibs gave him a smile and tapped his cheek, making him look back to him. "You gotta have some surgery, fix your leg. We woke you up to tell you, but you're gonna be asleep soon." 

Juice narrowed his eyes and looked to his leg, his eyebrows shooting up when he saw it. "Oh shi'." He mumbled, hearing Chibs chuckle.

"Yeah. You got hurt real bad. But you'll be okay." He felt Chibs squeeze his hand and he saw him smile. "I'll be right by you, nothings gonna happen to you this time. I swear it."

Juice lay his head back down onto the bed and breathed out slowly, licking his lips. "Mmkay, C'ibs." He couldn't really make out what he was saying, he just watched his lips moving. "Tired." He started to laugh weakly, smiling widely.

Chibs rose a brow and looked at the doctors. "It's a normal reaction to the drug." One of them replied.

Chibs nodded and rubbed Juice's hand, watching him quiet down and close his eyes. "Rest well, Juicy."

* * *

Jax hugged Opie one last time before heading out of the hospital, sitting on the bench just outside the doors. They had been inside all day and it was nearing 2pm, he needed some fresh air. He sighed and pulled three things out of his pocket; his phone, his cigarettes, and a lighter. He pulled a single cig from the packet then shoved the packet in his pocket, lighting the cig then doing the same with his lighter. He took a long drag before typing in a number into the keypad. 

He tapped his leg in time with the rings, not surprised when he got to voicemail. He was hesitant to speak, unsure if he should just hang up, but he began speaking after taking another drag. "Hey, Tara. It's me.." He trailed off, breathing in deeply. "I, uh, I know you didn't want me to contact you. I respect that, I do, and I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't an emergency. I got two men in the hospital, one critical and one just out of surgery. I got another one injured, and two of 'em fighting. I need your help, baby." He paused for a few seconds, shaking his head, then continued. "If you could ju-" He was cut off by the phone bleeping, forcing him to end his message. He cursed and closed his phone, shaking his head as he dropped his cig and put it out with his boot before standing up and turning back to the hospital.

"Jax!" He paused and checked over his shoulder, seeing Gemma jog over. He gave her a smile and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Hey, honey, you okay?" She looked at him with a small frown, worry etched into her features.

Jax nodded and pocketed his phone, breathing out as he spoke. "No. Shits crazy, Mom." His smile disappeared as they walked through the hospital doors. "I don't know what to do."

"About what, sweetie?" Gemma took her son's hand and squeezed it reassuringly, heading into the elevator with him.

"Piney and Juice, Opie and Chibs." He had gotten Chuckie to fill Gemma in about the crash earlier.

"Opie and Chibs?" She furrowed her brows and let go of his hand. "What's up with them?"

"Opie is pissed 'cause Chibs went to see Juice instead of Piney. Chibs is pissed 'cause he thinks we can't protect Juice." Jax shook his head and stepped out of the elevator once they reached their floor.

Gemma let out a breath and patted her sons back. "You gotta talk to them. You know how protective Chibs is of Juice. You gotta remind them it's not just  _them_  in this club, yeah?"

"Remind them we're _all_ a family." Jax nodded. 

"Exactly." She walked with him down the hallway to the waiting rooms. "I'm gonna see Piney then talk to the docs, see if we can get Juice to visit in a wheelchair or something. You should talk to them now, get it over with." She reached up and kissed his cheek. 

"Okay, mom. Thank you. I love you." 

"Love you too honey." She smiled and Jax returned it, watching as she joined his brothers in the waiting room.

Jax let out a heavy breath as he turned, walking down the other end of the hallway.

* * *

Chibs was sat sipping his coffee, hand loosely holding Juice's as he scrolled through his phone. He had gotten out of surgery almost an hour ago, and the drugs were wearing off enough that he was able to move freely. They had spoken a bit, about how Piney was, that Tig was okay, that sort of thing- he hadn't brought out his temper tantrum with Jax and Opie. Chibs was watching him with his head tilted, the quiet in the room giving him time to think. But unlike earlier, his thoughts weren't full of worry but relief. Juice's surgery went better than expected, they got his knee back in place without causing further damage, and the rod in his leg was sturdy and it was estimated Juice would make a full recovery in two months. His other injuries were minor, slight concussion, cuts, scrapes; they had all been treated and he was covered in small bandages and plasters. 

"You were funny when you were drugged up." Chibs broke the silence, a small smile on his face.

Juice looked up from his phone and rose a brow. "How do you mean?"

Chibs chuckled softly and sat up in the chair. "You kept glaring at everyone and laughing at things. And when you tried to speak you sounded like you were wasted." 

Juice had a hint of a smile on his face. "Well, I  _was_  wasted. Kind of."

Juice jumped as the door swung open and he let go of both Chibs' hand and his phone. Both men looked at the doorway to see Jax walk in, they could also see Rat out in the hallway just before the doors closed. Jax took in the sight of Juice and frowned. "Jesus.." 

Chibs adjusted himself in his seat, putting his cup of coffee down on the bedside table next to Juice's water. "Brother," He nodded at him, but it was tense.

Juice didn't seem to notice as he was staring at Jax's face. "Is Piney okay?" His voice was sad and full of worry and it made Chibs want to grab his hand again but he stopped himself. 

"For now. He's awake but... he can't speak and can barely move. He tries, though." Jax looked at his feet while explaining, but up again when he was done. "That's not why I'm here, I need to talk to you." He directed the last part to Chibs. "Want to step outside with me?"

Chibs let out a breath and he stood up, giving Juice a smile before nodding at Jax. "Aye. I'll be back Juicy." 

Juice furrowed his brows in confusion but he didn't say anything, just watched the pair leave the room. 

Once they were in the hallway, Jax leaned against a wall and stared at Chibs. "What you did earlier wasn't right."

The older man nodded. "I know-"

"We are your brothers, Chibs. Not just Juice.  _Us_." Jax continued, and the confused look Chibs gave him angered him. "I get that you two are best friends, but so are me and Ope. But we're still with the club, still socialising like usual. You and Juice? You guys go off together and we don't see you for however long. And your stunt earlier? What's with that, do you not  _trust_  us anymore? Are you  _doubting_  your family"

Chibs shook his head and clenched his fists, his annoyance building up the more words Jax put in his mouth. "No, Jacky boy-"

Jax pushed himself off the wall and shoved Chibs back against it. "I will  _NOT_  tolerate you acting like that again, you got that? You can be mad at us for whatever reason, but do  _not_  pull shit like that again." 

Chibs lowered his head and simply nodded. He wanted to fight back and yell, but he knew it'd only make things worse. "I'm sorry, brother. I'm just not used to having to worry about my brothers so much."

Jax calmed a bit now he had got his point across and he took a step back, nodding. "I think I have the solution to that."

Chibs rose his head and a brow. "What?"

"I'm going to have someone else look after Juice until you get yourself under control." Jax saw the Scots face twist in anger, but he continued before he could reply. "It's for the best. You need to rekindle with your brothers, and you've been doting on the kid for weeks now, it's  _clearly_  taking a toll on how you've been acting." 

"I can't be away from Juice, Jax." Chibs was fighting to keep his anger in check, forcing his words to be somewhat calm. "He _needs_ me."

Jax shook his head. "He has more than one brother, not just you. Tig can keep watch on him while you rest."

"Tig?! Are ye fucking kidding me?!" His rage won and he yelled out his words. "That bastard got him into a bloody crash!"

"That was  _not_  Tig's fault and you  _know_  it." Jax glared at Chibs. "But fine, Happy can do it. I'll give you a few more hours, then you're done Juicesitting." He turned and walked off before Chibs could reply.

Chibs flipped off Jax's retreating figure and cursed out harshly, thumping his head against the hospital wall. He stayed out for another minute, to get himself under control, then he walked back into the hospital room.

Juice looked up from the bed, worry clear in his eyes. "Are you okay? I heard yelling-"

Chibs cut him off with a wave and he sat back down in the chair. "I'm fine... but Jax doesn't want me spending all my time with you for a while." He winced at the hurt look that crossed Juice's face. 

"What? Why? Does he know about-"

"No. No, I uh. I lashed out earlier, got mad at Tig when I saw you being brought in on a stretcher. Jax thinks it was 'cause I'm  _too_  worried about you, he wants me to spend more time with the others to 'fix' that..." Chibs put his hands on his knees and looked away from Juice.

"That's bullshit!" Juice rose his voice and it shocked Chibs, he didn't expect him to get mad about it. 

"Aye, I know.. but he's the Prez." Chibs sighed. "Happy will be here in a few hours to 'take over'." 

Juice reached over and grabbed Chibs' hand, making him look at him. "Chibs, I don't-" He shook his head. "I don't want you to stop being near me."

"I kno-"

"No, what if after time apart you will realise that the way we've been acting around each other is wrong and you then decide you're disgusted because I like you, or that you were wrong about however you feel for me and that you want to  _keep_  staying away-" Juice started rambling on, unable to keep his thoughts to himself. "I know that we've only been like  _this_  for a small time but I've gotten used to it and I don't think that I could take rejection from you-"

"Christ, Juice." Chibs cut him off and stood up from his chair, taking another step to the bed. " _That's_  why you don't want me to go?" He asked, and he almost smiled when Juice nodded. "I won't pretend to know where this is going, 'cause I'm damned sure I  _still_ don't know how I feel after  _one day_ -" That comment made Juice flush with embarrassment. "-but, I know I won't wake up after a few days away from you and decide I'm disgusted 'cause you think I'm good looking." The blush deepened at that. "Because not a lot of people think that about an old man like me, so I gotta keep those who do close."

Juice smiled and nodded, feeling relieved. "Okay." He breathed out and squeezed Chibs' hand.

* * *

The walk from Juice's room to Piney's was dreadful. The more steps Chibs took away from the Puerto Rican, the more his chest ached. He knew what was waiting for him, that the situation that was about to happen would definitely contrast the moment he had shared with Juice only minutes ago. He had spent the entirety of the afternoon sat holding the boy's hand and just spending time together. They talked about many different things, Juice showed Chibs a few funny videos on youtube, and at some point, Chibs fell asleep with his head on Juice's lap. It was just the two of them and the occasional doctor, they didn't have to hide how they acted around each other. He had given Juice a kiss on the cheek as Happy had arrived to switch places with Chibs, so then they said their goodbyes and Chibs left after promising to see him later that night. Happy had looked at the pair with a raised brow but stayed silent, taking Chibs' place in the seat next to the bed. 

Now, though, it was different. Chibs pushed the hallway doors open and entered the waiting room, accepting all the hard looks he received. He scanned the room, noticing a few people missing. "Wheres Ope? Bobby? Tig?" 

"Opies with Piney, Bobby went to check on Lyla, and Tig is getting checked in." Kozik shifted in his seat as he looked up at the Scot.

Chibs furrowed his brows. "Tig alright?" 

"Yeah, he's fine. Was about to leave but the doctors think he should stay the night, just a precaution I guess." 

Chibs nodded, then averted his eyes to look at Jax- not surprised to see him already staring at him. "Happy with Juice?"

Chibs nodded again. "Aye." His voice changed once it was directed to his President. There was a slight anger in it, but it was repressed. 

"Good. You should go home before Ope comes out and gets his payback for earlier. Piney's good, for now, no need to be around." Jax glanced at the door to Piney's hospital room, then back at Chibs.

Chibs sighed and lowered his head. "Aye." He repeated. "I'll be back early in the morning for Juicy."

Jax shook his head slowly. "I said you needed some space from him, brother." 

Chibs narrowed his eyes. "I know you did. But trust me, Jacky, this  _isn't_  a good idea."

Jax ran his tongue over his lips and took a step closer, feeling his own annoyance build. "And why is that?"

There was a lot of different ways Chibs could answer that. Most of them would hurl them toward another argument. He leant forward and lowered his voice so it was just above a whisper. "I've been keeping the kid alive for weeks. Been with him since he tried to off himself. You want to chance something like that happening again by taking me away from him for however long? Fine, you're the one with the President patch. You  _must_  know what you're doing."

Chibs took a step back, keeping his face neutral as he walked past him. He didn't wait for Jax to respond, it didn't even look like was going to, so he left without another word. He'd spend the night at Juice's place instead of his own. Nobody would be there, so there'd be nobody to judge him.


End file.
